real life

'Dear Other Woman: It's been two years since you destroyed my marriage, and I need answers.'

Dear Other Woman,

It’s been nearly two years since you had a short lived affair with my husband. Two years since what you both did changed the lives of so many people. You were his boss (and 10 years younger than him) and you both knew that it was against work policy. You knew that he was married with teenage kids. Did he tell you that we had celebrated 20 years of marriage a few months earlier? I don’t blame you for the affair, I blame BOTH of you, but him more so. You are two consenting adults, with morals and beliefs, but for some reason that I will never understand you both threw that out the window so you could be together.

I’m not writing this letter to blame you or be angry at you. All I want is the truth. Don’t I deserve the truth?  I want to know what lies he told you about me, about our relationship, about everything. You’re a smart, intelligent woman, you have to be, you run a retail store with over 150 people under your control. I know there are two sides to every story and in this case there are three sides: mine, yours, his. I’ve asked him and either he can’t remember or won’t talk about it (apparently it hurts to much to remember the pain he has put me through!).

This woman’s ex husband is now cheating on his mistress with another girlfriend. Should she whistleblow or walk away? Post continues. 

I’ve tried on three occasions to talk to you. The first I came to your work the day after I found out about the affair (this was the first and only time we met). I wasn’t angry, I just wanted answers, I even called before hand to make sure it was OK to come and see you. I didn’t realise at the time but you lied the whole time, using this meeting as a way of gleaning information from me. A month later I confirmed the affair was real and not just in my head. Again I called you and you agreed to meet me later that day, only to pull out at the last minute. A few months later I was contacted by a “friend” of yours and told a few things. Again I messaged you to see if we could talk. You agreed but then when the time came you wouldn’t answer my calls. I have never called or showed up unannounced, I’ve always been considerate and respectful of your feelings. As hard as this has been on me, I understand that you have been hurt too.

I too am a smart, intelligent woman with a very successful career. I knew for months something was wrong and didn’t follow my gut instinct. I just want answers: when he said he was at the footy with mates or had a late meeting or had an alarm call out or any number of excuses, was he really with you? Why won’t you give me this? Don’t I at least deserve to have these answers after everything? He’ll never give them to me, he’s in self preservation mode!

Don’t you want to know the things he has told me about you? How he has put all the blame on you (again part of his self preservation mode)? He quit a job he loved to save our marriage and to escape your evil clutches (his words). As I said I am intelligent, I know that he was as equally involved in the affair as you.

Like you, I love him. I have for over 20 years. He has given me two beautiful kids and a life time of beautiful memories. Which have all been tainted with this affair. I have daily reminders of your affair. I believe you and he hardly ever think of that fleeting romance. You’re young, smart and beautiful, I’m sure you have already moved on. I’ll never be able to fully move on because I’ll always have questions. Questions he can’t remember answers to (or says he can’t remember). Answers I know you as a woman would have locked away. If only you could understand what it feels like to live a life always wondering if and when the truth will come out. Wanting and hoping for the truth.

We are complete strangers, yet I know that you hate me because he chose to stay with his family instead of being with you. I’m not going to apologise for this. I’m just asking from one woman to another, please ease our pain, speak to me, tell me the truth, together let us see who he really is.


The Wife