Imagine how you’d feel if you found out your partner had lied about how you look in order to impress his friends.
Well that’s exactly what happened to Reddit user throwawayizgood.
She began by explaining that she and her husband, Dick, had always had what she thought was a good relationship. She said that while she had always been overweight, recent lifestyle changes meant that she had been able to lose a considerable amount. Regardless, she felt that that Dick had always been slightly ‘out of her league’.
Recently Dick, who did not have a wide circle of friends, began spending time with some co-workers. Initially throwawayizgood declined offers to join the group as she wanted her husband to form friendships on his own.
However, having watched the friendships blossom over the past few months, she decided to accept an invitation to the movies when she heard that some of the other guys were bring partners.
After glamming herself up, she says she was met by her husband who told her she could no longer attend. When pressed, Dick admitted to have lied to his friends about how his wife looked- claiming that she was “hot” and got a lot of male attention. Apparently it had turned into a big joke amongst the group.
The 'joke' went so far that Dick apparently showed the group a photo of a completely different woman from Facebook and told them that she was his wife. He said that if she was to come along to the movie “the truth would come out.”
Understandably, this poor woman was deeply hurt and upset by the situation. Her husband tried to dig himself out of the hole that he was in but left to attend the movie. The poster decided to go and stay with her mother.
She asked other Reddit users for their thoughts.
The answers ranged from horrified to strangely understanding that he had gotten himself into a deep circle of lies in an attempt to fit in.
"Oh yes it is black and white: it was more important to fit in and be liked and accepted by people at work than it was to honour and be honest with his wife."
"Now we know 1) who's more important to him, and 2) that he's a coward."
"I mean it's one thing to tell your spouse, 'sorry you can't come because I told them you're hot, and you're obviously not.' But Jesus holy f***, showing fake pictures of a stranger and lying that it's your spouse?! What the whaaat. I'd also question the extent to which he vigorously lies about other things, if he's so invested in a shitty lie that he finds pictures of fake people."
"Wow... As a woman who has struggled with both my weight and self confidence for as long as I can remember this made me physically hurt for you. I think if it was me I would spend the night at my mom's, watch LMN , cry, and drink more wine than I should. Then in the morning once I felt more up to dealing with it I would sit down and write my husband a letter (I'm better at writing words than saying them) telling him I understood that he was trying to fit in and that he felt having a hot wife would bump his reputation but that I strongly felt that these actions devalued me in every way. That girl on Facebook may be more attractive than me but I am the one who has been through good times and bad with him, who he has laughed with, confided in, and shared so many intimate moments with him. Those are things that make me his wife not the girl on Facebook and to think he would misrepresent who the woman he shared his life for fear of judgment with is is devastating."
"The icing on the cake: he hurts his wife THIS much and then still goes out to have fun with his friends despite knowing his wife won't be home anymore when he returns. Does he not care how much he hurt her at all? How can he still go out to have fun and laugh with the people he told such a massive lie to that has hurt his wife?"
"My reaction was pretty much the same, then I told the story to my husband and we discussed it. He had some interesting thoughts to share. We both agree that OP's husband seriously screwed up. He made mistake after mistake and dug himself into a pit of "holy shit, how could you have screwed this up any worse?" However, we don't think this is worth ending their marriage. OP's husband fell victim to adult peer pressure, plain and simple. My husband said he knows exactly the type of "my gf is so hot" guys that OP's husband started hanging out with. But OP's husband doesn't have other friends, he's inexperienced, he's desperate to fit in, and he's too eager to impress them to realize these guys were dicks. A bad mix of vulnerabilities that made him really susceptible to pressure. We think OP's husband's lies about her had little to nothing to do with his actual thoughts and feelings about her appearance. He felt pressured to conform and made a bad split second decision to exaggerate. That turned into a lie. That turned into a bunch of lies. He might have felt totally out of control of the situation and not known what to do. He's too socially inexperienced, like a kid making up a wild story to impress other kids at the playground. Yes, he screwed up. Yes, he made mistakes. But we'd like OP to consider that this was just a big mistake, not a relationship-ending betrayal. They can work together to learn from this, grow stronger together, and move on. It doesn't have to end their relationship. The decision is OP's but I hope she'll sit down with her husband and talk it over again, specifically how his lies about her evolved. Maybe her husband is a huge ass who deserves divorce papers....or maybe he's an awkward guy who made a mistake that spiralled out of control."
What would you do?