When you’re gay, straight people say the strangest things. The thing I find the most amusing is when I meet new people. They have this need to communicate to me that they’re straight. It generally goes a little something like this…
“You know, I don’t bat for your team, but I really like your hair.”
“Just so you know, I’m straight. (Insert nervous laughter).
“I really like penis.”
At the time these sentences explode from an awkward straight person’s mouth, 3 things run through my mind.
1. Give them a little wink to freak them out.
2. Make a sarcastic comment about the fact that my fiancé is a former swimwear model.
3. Say nothing, smile and say ‘Good to know’.
I generally opt for number 3 because I’m polite.
It’s tough though, because it happens ALL THE TIME and I really want to educate people that although I appreciate that their self-love is obviously very high, gay people aren’t into everybody.
Straight friends. I want to tell you something really important: Gay people are not going to hit on you. Probably ever.
“What?! Why not?” I hear you say.