rogue

Erm. A woman has condemned people for not "sneezing internally" and we are confused.

Today, we have been presented with another extremely common human behaviour to add to the list of “petty things angry people on the internet find annoying”.

Sneezing.

According to one woman, it needs to be cancelled.

Unless it’s in the privacy of your own home, in a soundproof, sanitised room, and only directly into a specially designed sneeze bag which is then destroyed by masked scientists.

Because only disgusting, filthy beasts would have the audacity to sneeze in public.

The woman posted the bizarre rant on Mumsnet, condemning people who sneeze in front of others.

No, not people who don’t cover their mouths when they sneeze in public. People who don’t “sneeze internally”… which we actually never knew was a thing, because if people could sneeze internally, why do we even sneeze at all?

via GIPHY

In a fiery post on the parenting site, the woman said she “absolutely detests” people sneezing openly in public.

“Probably get flamed for this but I absolutely detest people sneezing openly in public,” she wrote.

“It spreads germs and it’s NOT THAT HARD to internally sneeze as in like hold yourself back when you sneeze.

“PS. Don’t say people can’t help sneezing, because unless you are challenged in someway, you ABSOLUTELY can,” she added.

In other words, if you feel the urge to sneeze, or, you know, experience an unfortunate bout of hayfever in the outside world… just don’t.

And if you can’t, you are “challenged”.

OK, there are certain occasions where you definitely shouldn’t sneeze in public – take a royal wedding for example. Here, James Corden describes his unfortunate urge to let one out at Meghan and Harry’s wedding. Post continues after.

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We have questions. Mainly how does one “internally sneeze”?

Surely that’s not… healthy?

Followers of the thread seemed to agree with this sentiment, with a resounding, well, “WTF?” 

“I can’t help sneezing. If I am ‘challenged’ in some way, it’s the first I’ve heard of it but willing to accept I have sneezing related issues,” said one.

“What?! People for the most part can’t control sneezing,” another added.

One reader offered a medical opinion which we don’t know whether we should believe, but it sounds legit:

“The pressure caused by internal sneezing, is very bad for the brain. Nothing wrong with sneezing into a tissue though.”

While one said simply:

“What the sh*t is internal sneezing?!”

Our thoughts exactly.

The woman including a second “pet peeve” in her original post, which we also didn’t realise was a thing:

“LICKING THE SUPERMARKET BAGS… why?! Why would I want you to slurp on your finger and then use your saliva to lubricate my bag and then continue to put my fresh produce into said bag. EW EW EW.”

That does sound gross, but is it just us or does this… not happen anywhere, ever?

What supermarket bag-licking, external sneeze-less world does this woman live in?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

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