real life

How To Save Your Marriage? Separate toilets, apparently.

Wanna know the secret to a happy marriage?

Regular sex? Flowers and chocolate? Nope.

Separate bathrooms is the key. Honey, get your own dunny. Because separate toilets, cars, and TVs have been flagged as key for a happy marriage, according to a British study.

Divorce for sure.

Researchers polled 2000 happily-married couples and found that alongside essential traits such as honesty, trust and compromise, having two cars, two toilets and at least one night a week away from computers or tablets will lead to long lasting love.

Also on the list? Being happy to share your phone code or social media passwords with your partner. Because TRUST.

The modern marriage tips were devised by relationships therapist Andy Gibney in his book, How To Seduce Your Wife (or Anyone Else’s). Delightful.

He told the Daily Mail  while trust, compromise and honesty are generally regarded as the most important things in a marriage, for most people, it’s not that simple.

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“In the modern world, marriages are having to survive against a host of new technology with many couple falling out over what to watch on the TV or one or both of you spending too much time focusing on your computers, tablets or mobile phones,” he said.

“After being married for a while, it’s easy to find you are stuck in a rut and not really paying each other any attention, but hopefully some of these ‘secrets’ will be helpful.”

They’re happy ‘cos they don’t have phones

According to the poll, remembering each other’s birthdays and important anniversaries come in as third and fourth most important ingredients for lasting love.  Accepting each other’s faults comes fifth.

Yes, there are the regular “healthy couple” tips like compromising, saying ‘I love you’ regularly and being able to laugh at each other, but the list also includes having no ex-partners on your Facebook friends list, and occasionally shaving your bits.

MORE: “An affair helped my marriage.”

It also emerged that three quarters of people think you’re more likely to have a happy and successful marriage if you are friends before becoming an item, while 95 per cent still consider romance to be important.

Less than one in 10 people want traditional flowers and chocolates, with almost a third of respondents wanting small gestures instead; holding hands, little surprises, personal romantic gestures every now and then.

Like not spearing each other. Romantic.

“It should be obvious that it is communication that keeps people together, whether that’s verbal or non-verbal, but life has a way of getting in the way,” he says.

The message of the book, he says, is to pretend you are still in those early throes of the relationship: where you were doing the things that make you happy.  Kissing, being intimate, laughing and listening to each other, and pretending you don’t poo, evidently.

The full list here:

50 Secrets to a Happy Marriage:

1. Trusting each other

2. Same sense of humour

3. Always being honest with each other

4. Remember birthdays and anniversaries

5. Accepting each other’s faults

6. Compromising

7. Saying ‘I love you’ regularly

8. Knowing when to say sorry

9. Being able to laugh at each other

10. Having a similar outlook on life

11. Regular hugs/cuddles

12. Always kiss each other goodnight

13. The occasional romantic gesture

14. Considering your partner to be your best friend

15. Sharing the parenting duties

16. Always kiss each other goodbye in the mornings

17. Having some shared hobbies and interests

18. Always talk about a problem rather than bottling it up

19. Ask each other about their day

20. Regular sex

21. Having some different hobbies and interests

22. Knowing when to give each other some space

23. Never going to sleep on an argument

24. Regular holidays/mini breaks

25. Having similar aims and ambitions

26. Having the odd argument or disagreement

27. Continuing to make an effort to look nice for your partner

28. Getting on with each other’s family

29. Setting aside quality time for each other

30. Holding hands when you are out and about

31. Regularly complimenting each other

32. Having your own friends as well as mutual friends

33. Two TVs in the house

34. Getting on with each other’s friends

35. Each having a car

36. Still shaving/grooming

37. Each having equal share of the lie-ins when you have children

38. Separate bank accounts

39. Having regular nights out with friends, without your partner

40. Surprise gifts/presents

41. Not being friends with ANY ex-partners on Facebook

42. A rota to divide up the household chores

43. Regular date nights

44. Two bathrooms/toilets

45. Not having one person hogging the remote control

46. Similar working hours

47. Knowing each other’s passcode for their phone

48. A secret stash of cash they know nothing about

49. Keeping some things private (not going to the toilet in front of each other etc)

50. A night or two a week where neither of you use computers/laptops/phones etc 

 What’s your tip for marital bliss?