‘Seven years ago, I cheated on my husband. But the biggest difficulty is only arising now.’

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How late is too late, when it comes to bringing up the fact your spouse once cheated on you?

Is there a set timeline? After a year are you hereby cast with a spell also known as shut up? Or do you get a free pass of a very different kind, always able to bring it into conversation whenever it plays on your mind?

This is the kind of predicament facing one mum, after she had an affair more than seven years ago, for five weeks.

She shared the story with parenting forum Mumsnet, in order to ask for a spot of advice:

“For me it was more about the emotional side and the hugs and smiles and texts during the day saying he was thinking about me. We did have sex several times. I ended the affair and hoped I wouldn’t be found out,” she wrote.


However, her husband was a little suspicious, and managed to find the security code for her phone.

“The [other man] texted me even though it was over to ask could he see me. I was in the shower oblivious to the text. [My husband] had my mobile and saw the text five minutes minutes after it arrived.”


He opened the text and, well, “that was that”. Her secret wasn’t so secret anymore. Still, they chose to work through their problems and stuck together.

Fast forward seven years.

“[We] have been arguing recently and one of the things that keeps coming up is that he wants details of the affair. Full details…where, when, how many times? Did we do ‘x’? Did we do ‘y’? Have I seen him in our local area? Was his child there when we saw each other/slept together?

“I really don’t want to go into the details.

“Am I in the wrong?” she asks.

Listen: Can a man cheat on his wife and still cal himself a ‘feminist’? The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss. Post continues after audio…

Overwhelmingly, responses centred on a similar thread: “You owe him answers to his questions,” many commenters said.

Others touched on why it was important to talk to him about it.

“It’s not just telling him what he wants to know but trying to reassure him and make feel secure now.”

And one more stressed this was something they both needed to overcome:

“Your relationship can’t move on unless you both accept that the past is the past.”

What do you think? Do you think he has the right to bring it up again?


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