weddings

"Why I have to tell my friend of nine years I don't want her at my wedding."

The wedding guest list can be bad for the best of friendship circles — but what about when you have that one friend who doesn’t get along with everyone else?

Do you risk letting a loose cannon bounce around your special day, or do you sit them down and tell them straight up?

A woman faced with this dilemma turned to the forum boards of Reddit to ask the question: “How do I explain to why I didn’t invite her to the wedding without hurting her feelings?”

The 29-year-old explained her friend of nine years was sexually inappropriate with her new husband, didn’t invite her to her own wedding, and had bad blood with other members of the bridal party.

The responses from other Redditors highlight how such a delicate situation can require the toughest of actions.

Quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Source: Film Victoria.

If they didn't invite you, don't invite them

"(Say) 'I didn't think we were that close since you didn't invite me to your wedding.' Don't apologize. Don't even mention it unless she does first."

"You can be polite about it that there was limited room and you assumed she would understand since she had to make the same decision when she chopped you off her guest list."

Inappropriate behaviour = inappropriate guest

"Your friend is inappropriate with both boundaries and PDA. If she is 30 and doesn't understand that she is out of line and not cute, nothing you are going to say is going to make her agree with you."

Listen: To invite kids to weddings or not to? This Glorious Mess discusses. (Post continues after audio.)

Just tell the truth

"Just tell the the truth. Someone needs to. Her feelings ARE going to be hurt, but you are not required to accommodate her infantile behaviour at your own wedding."

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"Tell her the truth. If the friendship ends... will you really be that sad? Not all college friends become adult friends. People grow up at different times in their lives. It sounds like Kim is still the same person she was back in the day. You've grown up, she hasn't."

The broken record tactic

"(Say) 'I'm sorry I couldn't invite you to the wedding, but your relationship with Greg makes everyone uncomfortable.'

If she blows up, just broken-record her:

'I know you think it's cute, but to everyone else, it's off-putting and uncomfortable.'

'I'm sorry you feel that way, but you've become a burden to be around.'

'I understand how you feel, but it's embarrassing to the rest of the group.'

Follow this pattern:

'[acknowledge what she says], then [restate your original point.]'" (Post continues after gallery.)

Use the "I/we feel" strategy

"Make sure to use 'I/we feel..' statements to describe her behavior. Instead of saying 'your behavior is gross' say something like 'I'm uncomfortable watching you lick each other's faces' and 'We don't think it's appropriate for our wedding'."

The two choice solution

"You have two ways to this. One is to tell her that she acts inappropriately and you didn't want her there. The other is that you only invited people with whom you are still in regular contact. I'm banking on Kim being upset, regardless."

The original poster thanked everyone for their advice and said her wedding was perfect sans undesirable friend. See? Honesty is always the best policy.

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