sex

Want better sex? Here are 5 ways to get out of a sex rut, according to an expert.

Are you in one? Like, deep in there? Just slinking around feeling like this stale ol' sex life could be you, for like... ever? Gah. 

Don't panic, though - it's not just you.

When you're in a long-term relationship, things (sex) can get routine (boring). And when sexy time becomes a routine thing, it's not exciting. Feels like a chore. No good.

Watch: Here's how to have better sex. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

What's more, a stale sex life can feel awkward AF to address - and a lot of people just push ahead because they feel like it's too uncomfortable to discuss. 

But that's why you have us - because there are some easy things you can do to have a better sex life.

Oh, hello! Have a listen to The Undone, where hosts Emily and Lucy discuss who exactly is making millions on OnlyFans. Post continues after podcast. 

We asked sex educator and intimacy coach Georgia Grace to give us some pointers on what we can do to spice up our sex life if we're feeling like it's a little... dampened.

Here's five things that'll help you have better sex:

1. Identify the problem.

Getting stuck in a sex rut can happen for a whole load of different reasons - it's complex as heck. A big one, however, is stress

Whether things are feeling a bit weird or disconnected with your partner or spending every moment together has killed the passion (hey, pandemic) - Grace said the first thing you should do is to ask yourself if something has changed your desire for sex.

"This could be many things - and don’t underestimate the almighty power of a global pandemic, because stress has a huge impact on sex drive," said Grace.

"Other things that may be affecting it can include relationship dynamics (sexual and non-sexual), medications, hormones, a change in diet or lifestyle."

2. Professional support.

In case you didn't listen to anything we said (pls take your headphones out) your sex drive can be influenced by many different reasons - such as biological, psychological, and social factors. 

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Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what's up (it could be a combination of different things) and if a low sex drive is persistent and something that just doesn't go away, Grace said this is a sign you should check your symptoms with a professional.

"You don’t have to figure this out on your own - there are some incredible practitioners who can support you across a range of modalities, such as coaching, therapy and holistic medicine," she said.

3. Figure out what’s turning you off.

"Each human has sexual turn-ons and turn-offs," explains Grace. "Take some time to learn about yours."

Whether you hate having sex after a big meal, feel like your sex positions have lost their intrigue or hate the lack of foreplay, knowing what revs your engine (*Pony by Ginuwine plays in the background*) and knowing what brings things to a screeching halt can be a major help in the bedroom.

"I recommend all people reading Emily Nagoski's book 'Come As You Are' - there’s a great workbook to accompany this." 

*Adds to Booktopia cart*.

4. Create your context for desire.

"Once you’ve figured out your turn-ons and turn-offs, invite more of them into your life and actively create the context for desire that supports you in feeling sexually alive," said Grace.

Fact: Knowing what you want is never not hot. So, make your turn-ons known to your person and make sure you both take the steps to implement those changes into your relationship. 

Because the last thing you want to do is to tell your partner you want to 'spice things up' and end up with some weird kind of surprise whipped cream situation that approximately no one wants or needs. Kay?

"This could be stress management, having sex before a big meal, scheduling some time each week to be sensual, listening to erotic audio on your way to work, investing in a new toy/lube/something you’re curious about..."

5. Solo sex is sex.

It could be time to go solo, people. Apparently being intimate with yourself first is a surefire way to re-ignite your desire and improve communication and intimacy. 

"Engage in more solo sex practices - bring sex to the front of mind and prioritise your pleasure."

Masturbating can also help you figure out what you might like to experience more of so you can give you partner a heads up. 

Do you have any tips you'd like to add to the above? Share with us in the comment section below.

Feature image: Getty