sex

'I'm really good at threesomes. These are my 7 golden rules.'

I have a slim skill set. I’m great at making pancakes, binge watching series and I’m really fast at hopping on my right leg. I’m also really good at threesomes. My skills are not that practical, and rather niche, but I think the pearls of wisdom from a threesome expert could be useful.

High class escort, Samantha X shares how to give a good job. Post continues below.

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As an aside, I’m a FFM threesome expert. I have engaged in a MMF one many years ago and it tanked. But I suppose many of the same tips would apply. Although there can potentially be a very distinct power shift with a MMF threesome, so that deserves a different expert.

In my book, to have a successful threesome, there are seven golden ‘rules’ I put in place to make it a fun experience for everyone.

  1. Establish your rules and boundaries before you get started. Have the condom talk, discuss safe words and things you want to do and things that are off limits. This ensures everyone is on the same page. This could be via a group message, or in person.
  2. Hot chat is everything. If it’s a pre-meditated menage et trois, get cracking on the sexy messages early on. It will make the lead up really fun and establish a connection between the three of you. Three can be a crowd. But maybe it’s a good crowd, and sometimes the best part of a three-way is the anticipation leading up to it.
  3. Don’t get too drunk beforehand. I’m always a little nervous and have been in a position several times when I’m slurry and loud and it sucks all the fun out of it. If you can’t remember a threesome then there really is no point in doing it. Also, you can end up hurting your back doing a handstand against a wall, losing a shoe and having to walk home with one high heel on and even crying in the bathroom about absolutely nothing. And that is not sexy. It’s fine to be nervous. Everyone is.
  4. Game plan is everything. I believe the first five minutes of an encounter will set the scene for the whole sexy time. You need to be the director of this production and work out how the vibe is going to be established. Unless it’s an unplanned three-way romp in a loo at a party, vibes don’t just create themselves. Awkwardness can destroy your libido faster than a fart in a lift so you need to avoid it at all costs. Let everyone know what their lines are, what the wardrobe is, what the drinks will be and what props are required. Get some good lighting going and bring on the sexy tunes.
  5. Don’t get caught up about her looks. Seriously. She may be younger or skinnier or taller than you, but you need to let that shit go. If she has an amazing bum, that’s a great thing, right? Otherwise, what are you there for? Threesomes are for celebrating different bodies and the whole reason you’re all there is because you’re attracted to each other. If you spend the whole time sucking in your stomach, there is no way you’re going to cum.
  6. It’s not just about the D. Threesomes are about everyone giving pleasure to each other. It shouldn’t be just about two women pleasing the dude. This is not shitty porn. It’s a real Debbie Downer when you turn up to a three-way and discover the other woman isn’t into women at all, and only there to impress the guy. I’ve also been really into the girl and the guy gets jealous and storms out, even though that’s exactly what he wanted (in theory). This goes back to number 1. Sort out what you want and what the dynamic will be before you dive in. And use your intuition throughout the pork fest. Checking in with everyone often is key. Sometimes something goes tits up anyway and it’s no one’s fault, but if you can nip unpleasant stuff in the bud early on, it’s less likely to go pear.
  7. Do lots of aftercare. If someone is joining you as a couple, always walk them to their car/Uber when you’re all done being sweaty horn bags. Chivalry does not have to be dead. It’s really not nice when it feels like you’re being turfed out in the middle of the night, post coital, with a door slammed in your face. Even when you really want to leave/have someone leave quickly, make sure everyone is happy and feels respected and safe. Ensure they got home ok, had a good time, has two shoes and if you’re lucky, maybe want to do it again.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature image: Getty.

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