Because there’s a show out there for every stage of your emotional turmoil.
We’re all functioning humans who absolutely do not rely on television as a crux for our emotional state, right? Wrong. TV is a remedy for everything.
Bored? Watch TV.
Tired? Watch TV in bed.
Sad? TV will make you happy.
Happy? Become even happier by watching TV.
And if you’ve just been through a breakup, wallowing in pain and torment, TV is obviously the cure. That and wine and chocolate.
Unless you’re living it up post-split (power to you), the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup can closely resemble the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
To get you through this process, we have perfectly matched particular programs to each stage, to support you through this trying time.
Stage 1: Denial.
Keeping up with the Kardashians.
The “denial” stage is that period when you try to convince yourself you’re fine, totally fine, you don’t even need *insert ex’s name here* and you’re way better off. For some people this stage can last the rest of their life and for others it’s all of one day. Either way, this is the time for trashy escapism in the form of the Kardashians. It’s best to focus on a world so far away from our own, and their bat-shit insane lifestyle will keep your mind occupied for hours.
The gist of this show is that a plane crashes into an isolated, tropical island and some really weird stuff happens. The show gets a bad rap but give it a chance, it’s actually pretty good. Also, you’ll be so incredibly confused by the plot line (and the polar bear?!) that you won’t even have time to think about your breakup.
Law and Order.
Crime shows with minimal relationship references that are light on the gore are perfect in this post-breakup stage. Trying to figure out the murderer before the cops do through 20 whole seasons of Law and Order should take your mind off things for a while.
Stage 2: Anger.
Game of Thrones.
Depending on how the whole breakup went down, by now you probably pretty f*cking furious at your ex/life in general. The best thing to do is to channel your fiery rage into a binge session of Game of Thrones. There are so many despicable characters- Joffrey, Cercei, Little Finger, basically EVERYONE- you can transfer your hatred onto.
Olivia Pope leads a team of Washington, D.C., lawyers who specialise in making scandals disappear. And without giving away spoilers it will get you seriously fired up. It will also make you want to buy a lot of white coats, power drink red wine and swear off men forever.