How to bring the romance back into your relationship.

By: Kate Siner for Your Tango.

All too often, a great romantic connection downgrades into a ho-hum relationship because we fail to keep up the spontaneity and interest that comes with new love.

Worse yet, even couples with the best of intentions are sometimes stumped when it comes to finding creative ways to show they care after the honeymoon phase ends.

are you really in love
People find it hard to keen those honeymoon feelings up. Image via iStock.

Little acts that once felt so rich with romance — sweet gestures like whispering "I love you", sharing a nice dinner, or bringing home flowers — begin to lose their potency. While these nice gestures signal our love for our partners, their impact wanes if they're repeated too often or are the only ways we show our lover how much we care.


And that's the ironic rub — in a lasting, loving relationship, the things that seem counter-intuitive to daily relationship success are actually the very things that fuel thriving intimacy and romance.

Desire requires distance, surprise, vulnerability, adventure, and play.

Desire for your partner gets red-hot when you're attentive to all the wonderful things that make her or him different and unique.

On the other hand, things like continuity and familiarity are essential to creating a sense of safety in relationships.

You need a sense of safety. Image via iStock.

So to create and sustain a great relationship — one that's full of passionate, erotic, and compassionate connection — you need to flex your creativity and make your partner someone you remain really curious about. The best part is that when you get curious about your lover again, it's suddenly fun and easy to come up with creative ways to lavish them with love.

Don't know where to start? Try these on for size:

1. Use your words.

Inspiration is within reach most of the time. So, cozy up to your inner-bard and write a poem or love letter about your partner. In this modern age of texts and tweets, a more thoughtful profession of your love seems like an incredibly grand gesture. See if you can capture what you love about your honey in this expressive form.

Start of by brainstorming adjectives, qualities, memories, or feelings you associate with your partner. Write from the heart and capture the initial wonder you felt when you first fell in love with your partner.

Then, take a risk! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Share your poem or letter with your significant other and notice how it makes each of you feel. Vulnerability opens the door to greater emotional intimacy.

2. Celebrate sweet (and sexy) little details.

Okay. Really want to turn your partner on? It's time to call attention to the million little things about her or him that no one else knows ... but you.

When we fall in love, we notice all sorts of sweet little details about the other person. We're enamored by the way they drink their coffee, or the way their hair looks first thing in the morning. Yet, soon into a new relationship, those delicious little details become familiar and so we cease to see them as remarkable.


The thing is, these little wonderful things about your partner did not suddenly become less wonderful — it's that you've ceased being awed by all the things that make your partner who they are! It's so important to look at our beloved with fresh eyes and to delight in all the little idiosyncrasies that increase your feelings of love.

Want bonus points? Lovingly share all the things about your partner that you find captivating, attractive and truly special to you. Trust me, this will make BOTH of you feel great.

3. For one night, be super indulgent.

If your version of a nice time with your lover is the classic wine and dine scenario (or, even just take-out and watching a movie), TAKE IT UP A NOTCH!

married my booty call
Take it up a notch. Image via iStock.

For one night, design a fantastic (and, yes!) decadent experience for your love. Or, get adventurous and create a totally new experience for the two of you to share based on something your partner enjoys.

For example, take a bubble bath with candlelight, wine, chocolate, the smell of jasmine, and opera music. Or, walk in the woods bundled in soft fabrics and take turns telling each other about the beautiful things you see (or, if no one's looking, making love together wrapped up in the blanket). What makes an evening "indulgent" is going above and beyond, showing your partner that she or he is worth the extra effort.

Little adventures have a way of turning you on and making you feel really alive. And this, my friends, is what passion is all about.

4. Give a token of your love.

Tap into your inspiration and find something — or, even better, make something — that lets your partner know how special she or he is to you.

What would delight your partner? Or create a sense of pleasure? Let your love fuel your creativity.

A thoughtful gift lovingly given boosts affection for the BOTH of you! Why? Because when you give a gift, your heart opens up and you feel satisfied on a deeper level.

Give a token of your love. Image via iStock.

It's too easy to let days slip by where we're distracted from what matters most.

So challenge yourself to spend an hour each week doing one of these activities. It won't take long before you'll feel more connected to your beloved and more passionate in your relationship.

Create the life and relationship you want with Dr. Kate Siner’s LifeWork Virtual Program.

Post originally appeared on Your Tango.

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