I was standing outside a pharmacy.

I don’t know why my brain has deemed that detail relevant to what happened next – but alas – I cannot reflect on the memory without seeing the sign for a slightly rundown suburban pharmacy.

It was also sticky. The way it only is in December or January. Sweat pooled at my lower back and settled across my hairline.

My phone rang and it was my boyfriend. Well – kind of. If someone had asked me at the time if I had a boyfriend, I’d have said yes. If someone had asked him if he had a girlfriend at the time, he’d likely have said no. He wasn’t sure if this was a relationship he wanted to be in anymore, but leaving it would have taken a level of courage and maturity he hadn’t yet found.

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We talked about nothing in particular, and I probably asked a question about how he felt.

“It’s just…” he said, pausing. “You’re like, a seven out of 10, I’d say.”

He paused again, as though to ensure his words were just right.

“And Hailey. She’s a nine. Maybe even a 10.”

I knew as those words were said out loud, that this relationship was over. Even if he changed his mind, or tried to convince me he said things he didn’t mean, it was over for me. I was 20, and we’d been dating for about 18 months. We’d just got back from a two-month trip together.

I knew what Hailey looked like, obviously. I had Instagram and Facebook and I’d probably even googled her. They’d been friends for years, which seemed to be her decision, not his.

She was taller than me, thinner than me, more beautiful than me, likely had more money than me, the list went on. I suppose if we were objectively rating people’s superficial value (hang on… why were we doing that?) then Hailey was a 10 out of 10.

Now at the other end of my 20s, I’d like to think I’d never date someone who applied a rating system to real, flesh and blood, women. Relationships, I’ve learned, can’t be measured by some arbitrary numerical scale.

Ultimately, relationships are a form of friendship. They’re about kindness. Definitely a little less sexy than dating someone who always keeps you guessing, offering you pathetic little crumbs along the way, but far more fulfilling. Good relationships make you feel safe.

We spoke to a number of women about what was said during the break up they never forgot.

These are some of their responses.

Loretta

“He told me that he was concerned about the ‘continuing viability of the longevity of our relationship’, after he ghosted me for three weeks even though we’d been dating for nearly a year.

“No texts, ignoring phone calls… I even saw him look at his phone at Uni one day while I was calling him. I then ran into him at Uni and he pretended he didn’t know me. I texted him and told him it wasn’t on and I thought we should chat. He finally called me back and gave me that line. Ugh.

“Thankfully it was nine years ago and I have a lovely partner now because geez, I was so crushed and mad at the same time.”

Amla

“We were married for 23 years, and at marriage counselling I pulled out a printout of his RSVP profile.

“I’d been given the heads-up about it from a friend, so I decided to ambush him and he said: ‘Well, if I’m thinking of leaving this relationship, I need to see what’s out there to decide if it’s worth leaving.’

“We never went back to counselling, and the counsellor was lost for words.”

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Jemma

“My boyfriend of three years (who I thought I would marry) said: ‘I do want marriage and kids… just not with you'”.

Fi

“I was dumped by a guy who told me ‘I want to be with a hot fit girl that will go running with me’. I was in the best shape of my life, hit the gym with him four to five days per week and had been running with him several times. He was definitely just not that into me.”

Nicola