"I never dreamed I would be one of those statistics. This was not the life I had planned."

How did this happen?

By: Kim Becking for DivorcedMoms.com

Around this time four years ago, I was having a champagne toast with my girlfriends. We were toasting new beginnings – the official end of my divorce (divorce decree in hand) and the start of my new journey. My divorce process took a year, and what a LONG year it was! Then there was the next phase which took another seven months (a relocation trial so my son and I could move a few hours away). After a short visit to court with the judge and my wasband, I was officially divorced.

My friends wanted to celebrate. I wanted to celebrate. I felt closure and peace. But at the same time, I was also so scared, wondering where it all went wrong and how I could move on. I never dreamed I would be one of those statistics. This was not the life I had planned when I said, ‘I do’ all of those years ago.

How did this happen? How could my ex-friend and wasband ride off into the sunset, leaving me confused, angry and alone. I could sit there, feel sorry for myself and continue to ask questions that had no answers, or I could reinvent myself and create a new life – one that I may have never envisioned, but one that could be awesome if I would just let it.

On that day, as my friends raised their glasses to toast new beginnings, I knew, deep inside, that I had to let go, face my own fears and insecurity and move on. It was time to find my happy.

I re-read what I wrote on this day four years ago.

I think I’ve worked through a lot of this over the last year. I know there will still be hard days and firsts, primarily as it relates to my son and that new normal – but as for the rest of it, I'm just glad to finally have some closure. Don’t get me wrong, I know there will still be hard times, and frustrations, particularly as it relates to co-parenting my son, but that too, with time will get easier I hope.

Again, I think the hardest part throughout this entire process has always been my lack of control or maybe it’s just a different set of values – I can’t control my wasband, nor his choices – particularly as it relates to my son. I’m not bitter. I was angry for months – but I’m not angry anymore – I can’t be – for my own sanity and so that I can truly heal and move forward and live the life I am meant to live.

I’ve forgiven my wasband and hope that someday he does wake up for my son’s sake – but that’s on him – and I am no longer his wife, nor his mother, so it’s up to him at this point to step up.

It’s been a long haul to get to this point – with many tears, heartache, betrayals and so many raw emotions. And me trying to get this all done and settled with many setbacks along the way. I truly feel I’m now at peace. I am proud of how I’ve handled myself and this situation over the last year and know that someday, my son will understand all of that.

I am so excited about the next chapter and what it holds for me and my son.

Four years later, I am still looking forward, living life and making every day count. There is no looking back.  Along the way, I've made some mistakes, but I've also done the best that I could. I learned who I truly was in this process, and who others were too. I also learned that no matter how much pain I was in, the world kept on moving. I could either be a part of it, or be stuck in my past. 

I chose to be present and to live fully.

I am now happily remarried with an amazing blended family. We have our challenges, like any family. And I still have the frustrations that go along with being a divorced mum with a child, but in the end, I am right where I’m supposed to be. It took a while to get here, but I have found my happy.

I just had to be willing to let go of the past and open the door to happiness once again. 

What do you do to find your happy?

This was originally published on Divorced Moms.

Want more? Try:

"Divorce Knocked Me On My Ass… Five Reasons I Had To Get Over It"

"I'm Done With Letting My Divorce Ruin My Life. How To Move On"

"10 Ways Divorce Helped Me Grow"

"I Have a Secret Life, You Need One Too!"