couples

"It's actually none of your business how many kids I have."

The size of my family is not for public discussion.

I’m currently pregnant, again. A baby that was very much wanted by both my husband and I and a baby that took a lot of energy, doctors appointments, emotional turmoil and medication to make a reality.

When we announced the impending arrival of our first baby we were greeted with happiness, elation even. We were starting a family and those around us couldn’t be happier. Excitement continued to grow and he finally made his way into the world he was greeted with love and adoration by everyone around him. The announcement of my second baby was welcomed with equal excitement; a sibling for our boy to grow up with who is equally as cherished. But when the time came to announce our newest bundle of joy, it seemed some people had different ideas.

People were happy when they heard we were expecting our first two but for some reason, they felt that was enough. Image: istock

You see, rather than being met with the hugs and shared joy at the news of our pregnancy, both of us felt a difference  in the atmosphere. While it wasn't said directly to our faces, comments such as "you'll be busy" and "wow, another one?" indicated pretty quickly that people had concerns about our decision to add another child to our family. When the dust settled and people started asking whether this baby was 'a surprise" I wanted to cry. Regardless of the situation, it's none of your concern.

It was almost as if some people felt we were out of our depth. Why would we add the stress of another child to the mix? We already had to very full on young boys, we were both working hard and we had recently bought a house. Surely adding another child to the equation would add nothing but stress.

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Here's what I would like to say to those people. It's none of your damn business. Unless you're paying for or looking after my children, it's none of your business. And even then, the size and composition of our family has nothing to do with anyone but my husband and I.  Your opinions are just that, yours and they are not needed or wanted.

The number of kids we have is none of your business. Image: istock

We have always wanted a large family. The thought of Christmas' surrounded by little people is pure joy and I love the idea that my kids will never be alone in the world. They will always have someone to turn to, no matter what happens. Giving them siblings is a gift that I hope they treasure in years to come.

Financially, sure it's not the smartest thing. But since when was having children a smart financial decision. If all anyone wanted in life was to accumulate dollars in the bank, none of us would ever experience the joy of parenthood. Children are expensive, fact. As educated, intelligent people do you not think we took this into consideration when deciding to have another baby? But thank you for feeling as though you needed to point this out to me. I didn't realised the cost of having children, despite you know, having two of them.

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The notion of being busy also irritates me. I'll be busy. Yes, thank you. Unless you're putting your hand up to assist with the busy-ness, it's not something you need to concern yourself with. I'll be busy, and just like every other mother before me with more than a pigeon pair, I'll be ok. You know why, because I want to be.

When someone tells you they're pregnant, your only job is to be happy for them, regardless of what you really think. Image: istock

The number of children a couple has is not a matter for public discussion, regardless of your opinion. So when someone tells you that they are expecting a baby, be it their first or their fifteenth you smile, you congratulate them and you acknowledge that people are able to make their own decisions and they do so because of what they want out of life. It might not be what you want, or even what you want for them but it doesn't matter. Your only role is to be happy for them and if you can't do that, don't ruin their happiness by being around.

Have you ever felt judged for your family size?

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