Before our very first appointment with our baby-making specialist we promised each other that our lives wouldn’t revolve around trying to make a baby. ‘We won’t be consumed by it’, we said. ‘We will live our life like we always have and this will just be part of it. Fertility treatment will fit into our life, we won’t fit into infertility.’
Naivety was bliss.
You don’t fit fertility treatment into your life. Fertility treatment is your life. Not because you want it to be, you don’t choose it. Find me a woman who is over the moon about going through the hellish path that is fertility treatment with joy in her heart and a skip in her step because she’s stoked about being infertile and I will dance naked in the rain.
Fertility treatment is all consuming because it has to be. If you want to be a mother, and for whatever reason your path is the same as mine, then you have to let it consume you, be your life and embrace it regardless of what you are missing out on. And boy do you miss out. Everything changes. You, your relationship, your friendships, your lifestyle, your whole life. Changed.
You will change. This one I can promise you. If you’re a moody cow like I am then that won’t change much, it’ll get worse but that’s only a problem for those around you (so don’t even worry about that one). Your body will change.
I think the main thing that has changed for me is how I now see things; suddenly something that was once so important loses its value, the little things that would once stress me out float by me without a second thought. I’m a different person these days. I don’t care for small dramas, meaningless stressors or irrelevant things. I was once a social butterfly, out and about, nights out with friends dancing like I was Beyoncé (thanks to many Malibu and Cokes), brunching and lunching with our friends. At the moment I need to make plans in advance so that I can schedule medications, appointments and to make sure I have enough energy to make it out of the house.
My lifestyle has completely shifted from free as a bird to “oh sorry I have appointment/procedure/injections/no energy today” and not everyone understands.