As a sex educator, one of the most frequent questions I get is about anal sex. It is simultaneously one of the most common fantasies people have, and one of the most common sexual encounters to go wrong. I can’t even count the number of horror stories I’ve heard about people trying anal sex when they’re some combination of young and drunk, only to have the experience go so badly it turns them off the idea for years – maybe forever. When I start to ask questions, these experiences tend to have a few things in common: lack of communication, lack of warm up and arousal, and lack of lube.
Anal Play the Safe and Pleasurable Way
Slow Down When Engaging in Anal Play
When done carefully and correctly, anal intercourse can be very pleasurable for people of all genders. And learning to do it safely isn’t hard. For starters, you need to slow way down. I don’t just mean engaging in penetration slowly (though I mean that too, and we’ll get there) I mean slowing down and talking to your partner at length before sex even happens.
Talk About Anal Sex Before Trying It
Talking about needs and expectations in advance is one of the best ways to prepare for any sexual experience. You want to know what your partner’s history is with having anal sex, and what they think they’ll need to make it comfortable and pleasurable. Avoid the urge to rush into the sex. If necessary, have conversations by text or in public. This ensures that the focus stays on talking. Plus, the anticipation is part of the fun and the negotiation can even work like dirty talk to get you both excited about what’s to come.