As a sex educator, one of the most frequent questions I get is about anal sex. It is simultaneously one of the most common fantasies people have, and one of the most common sexual encounters to go wrong. I can’t even count the number of horror stories I’ve heard about people trying anal sex when they’re some combination of young and drunk, only to have the experience go so badly it turns them off the idea for years – maybe forever. When I start to ask questions, these experiences tend to have a few things in common: lack of communication, lack of warm up and arousal, and lack of lube.
Anal Play the Safe and Pleasurable Way
Slow Down When Engaging in Anal Play
When done carefully and correctly, anal intercourse can be very pleasurable for people of all genders. And learning to do it safely isn’t hard. For starters, you need to slow way down. I don’t just mean engaging in penetration slowly (though I mean that too, and we’ll get there) I mean slowing down and talking to your partner at length before sex even happens.
Talk About Anal Sex Before Trying It
Talking about needs and expectations in advance is one of the best ways to prepare for any sexual experience. You want to know what your partner’s history is with having anal sex, and what they think they’ll need to make it comfortable and pleasurable. Avoid the urge to rush into the sex. If necessary, have conversations by text or in public. This ensures that the focus stays on talking. Plus, the anticipation is part of the fun and the negotiation can even work like dirty talk to get you both excited about what’s to come.
Try Anal Play or Anal Sex Toys On Yourself First
Before you ever try anal penetration with a partner, you might want to try it by yourself. Depending on your flexibility, fingers might work for this, but there are also a wide range of butt plugs and anal toys that you can use. Always be sure that anything that’s going in your butt has a large, flared base so that it doesn’t get sucked up into your body. People end up in the emergency room with things stuck in their butt with alarming frequency.
Read: Don’t Have Anal Sex If …
Even if you’re not ultimately interested in being on the receiving end of anal penetration, it can still be helpful to try it on yourself before you try it on your partner. Nothing really shows you how sensitive the area is, and how slowly you’ll need to go, like experiencing it for yourself.
The Ins and Outs of Anal Intercourse – Safety
Whether alone or with a partner, you want to start with external anal stimulation. The anus, and area around the anus, is incredibly sensitive so touch to this area can be very pleasurable. Start with an external massage, using plenty of lube, and get used to having this area of your body touched. Simply focusing on external touch can be enough for your first try, or first several tries. Adding external touch into your foreplay activities can be a great way to start getting used to the idea of anal penetrating someone, or being penetrated anally yourself.