How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship when you have young children?
It’s a headline I feel I could have written (oh, hang on. I did) Regardless, what I mean is that with three children under five and a six month old who wakes hourly, you can trust me when I say there is not a whole lot of romance happening in my house at the moment.
Don’t get me wrong. I adore my husband and he seems to be quite fond of me. He is my best friend and is easy on the eye but by the time the day is done and the kids are in bed it’s almost a race to see who falls asleep on the couch first. Romance unfortunately comes a very distant second to parental survival right now.
So how exactly do you keep the romance alcove when you are ruled by small people?
Well, one parent took to Reddit searching for the answers. Unlike me however (don’t worry hubby) she says that she feels like herself and her partner are drifting further apart and is seeking advice on how to get the spark back.
Taking to the popular site, user yahthatgirl says more and more she is feeling disconnected from her partner, a situation she feels is not being resolved by talking.
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“I just feel like we are drifting apart. Every day after work and putting the kids down, all we have between us is frustration and distance. I try to have conversations and everything he has to contribute ends up just pissing me off." she says "We've had long heart to hearts about what's going on between us. We come up with things we can or need to change but I am just so emotionally exhausted at the end of every day, I just can't figure out how to be a better wife."
She asks "How do you reconnect with your spouse? What gestures or things do you do to be more attentive?
As is always the case when you take your issues to the masses, she was met with a range of responses.
“It helps to have sex. Lots of sex." says one user. Others agreed and quickly it was revealed that a whole lot of people are using their lunch breaks for more than just lunch. “Guy here. Can confirm that lunch time quickies are awesome. It takes me 20 minutes to get home and another 20 to get back, so I only get 20 minutes to do the deed, but I'll take it.”
Other users confirmed the lunch break lovin' “Even better, meet in a quiet parking lot and go back seat style.”
While most people seemed keen on discussing exactly what can be achieved within the space of a designated lunch hour, others seemed to empathise more with yahthatgirl’s issue. “Having small children makes life crazy. It gets easier when they get older. Know that this craziness will not last forever. In the meantime, tell your husband how grateful you are for him. Tell him how much he means to you. Do this everyday, even if he does not do it in return at first. Gratitude and appreciation are contagious. You get back what you give. When both of you feel appreciated, the romance will return, and your evenings after the children have gone to bed will be spent building each other up, instead of focusing on what each of you feel you are lacking from the other.”