To the man who broke my heart,
Clue one: The party
I still remember the night I knew something had changed in you. We attended a party together. I was chatting to a group of people when I looked over and saw you talking to a woman we both knew. I considered her an acquaintance and had never given her a second thought but there was just something in the way you were looking at each other. It was like a lightning bolt went right through me and I just knew something wasn’t right. I didn’t mention it to you but I kept it in the back of my brain, just in case.
Clue two: The phone calls
A couple of months later, the thought crept up again when we were on a road trip. You asked me to make a phone call from your mobile and I saw her name in your recent calls-over 5 calls had been made between the two of you. Again, I said nothing. I felt sick about it but hey, you were allowed to have female friends! Perhaps it was all in my head, there really wasn’t any evidence except for my intuition.
Clue three: The deleted texts
Weeks later, you were out drinking and refusing to come home until you were properly wasted. When you were passed out on the couch, I went through your phone #psycho and I saw it. Two deleted messages to her sent after midnight. This woman had a partner-what were you doing messaging her at that hour? It was not a fun morning for you. I yelled and I’m fairly certain I threw my shoe at you. You were so mad at me for touching your phone. I cried. Eventually, you apologised and gave me some explanation. My revenge was ordering extra chilli with your Pad Thai. I also poured out the milk so you had nothing to soothe your ulcerated tongue. Still single if you’re interested, fellas!
Clue four: The dinner
Like the deranged masochist I WAS, I decided to befriend this woman. Lez be honest-what kind of person would sleep with my man if she was my friend? #KeepEnemiesClose. I went for dinner with her to clear up any doubts in my mind. Like you, this girl could talk to a brick wall. When I mentioned you in a passing comment, her eyes lit up. “Can you imagine if he and I were dating? We’d be fighting to get a word in!” She giggled. I stabbed her with the laser beams in my eyes and told her I really liked the mole on her neck. It was actually a pimple. #maturity.
Clue five: The photos
I kept going through your phone, obviously. You went away with friends and Miss Unfaithful. You forgot that your iPad photos were connected to your iPhone. Silly bugger. I was kept up to date with the fun the two of you were having through pictures and videos. Nothing too incriminating but enough to give me the nervous wee bum my body reserves for very stressful situations.
Author Nikki Gemmell says she's too tired to care if her husband cheats on her. (Post continues after audio.)
Clue six: The denial
The next time we saw each other, I really let loose. Many tears. Much jealousy. I was starting to lose it. You told me I was crazy, why didn’t I trust you? You would never, could never, hurt me. Still, I kept her close, attending drinks and dinners with her, trying to sus her out. You also continued to party with Miss Unfaithful without me being there. I tried to be calm, tried to let it go. Most of the time, I was able to pretend. Except for the hives I broke out in whenever her name was mentioned and the probable stomach ulcers I developed from trying to control my inner crazy.