It’s safe to say that award-winning pornstar and sex worker Madison Missina knows a lot about sex.
And on Mamamia’s latest podcast, The Prude and the Pornstar, she shares her sexpertise with us.
But before you think it might involve double-ended devices and acrobatics, you’re not match-fit, think again. Because her advice is totally relatable, real and really quite useful.
Listen to this week’s “homework” … (post continues after audio):
This week, Madison was inspired by couples who might be in a little bit of a sex rut. Maybe they’ve been together for a while… maybe the initial passion has died down, and maybe it is because, as she says, we are all creatures of habit and “sometimes that does come across in the bedroom… and before you know it, you’ve had exactly the same sex 3000 times,” Madison says.
“My tip this week, is to actually let go of the climax. I find that when you’re with your partner for a while, you can fall into the routine of knowing what is going to make them come. So every time you get in the bed with them, you’re just chasing orgasms… it’s exactly the same foreplay, exactly the same orgasm, usually for the same amount of time. And that’s where it gets monotonous,” she says.
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So, Madison says that while it is good that you can make your partner have her orgasm by constantly having the same sex, you can miss out on developing and learning more about your sexuality. So, rather than trying to make your partner have orgasm, focus instead on what makes them feel good.
“This could be anything: ‘I’ve noticed that my partner is stressed, so I’m going to do some more massage, or I’m going to try and find out if my partner has erogenous zones anywhere unusual’. Hot tip: the armpits are quite commonly an erogenous zone. So go and explore. It’s different for everybody… stop chasing the orgasms for a while, start chasing and focusing on the pleasure, and the orgasms will come,” Madison says.
Carla and Madison. Image: supplied.
And another tip from the lady herself is that ultimately, you are the one who is responsible for your sexual satisfaction. So Madison encourages people to go forth and be assertive about what you want in the bedroom, and ask your partner if you want to try something different...
"I think we all have a responsibility to be generous and assertive lovers, and with that responsibility we should expect the same in return... Ask and be assertive for what it is that you want. Because ultimately, your pleasure is your responsibility, your partner doesn't know if what they're doing to you is working for you, or if they can change it up and do something better," she says.
You can listen to the full episode of The Prude and the Pornstar below, where Carla and Madison talk about everything from the woman who had sex with a tree, to the weirdest thing Madison has ever done as a sex worker, and as always, they flesh out the answers in a judgement-free zone.