For the past couple of months, I've been trying to find the right words to describe how I feel.
"I just feel sluggish," I'd reply when my friends would ask what was wrong.
"What do you mean?" they'd enquire further and I would throw out words like blocked, clogged, unmotivated.
"I feel like I have no sense of momentum. I'm not moving forward. I can see where I need to go but I just can't get there? Like there's something in the way? And the thing that's in the way might be me?"
Then over the weekend, I finally found the right words.
"I feel like the big f*cking boat stuck in the Suez Canal," I said.
"I feel like somewhere along the way I made a wrong turn, or I over-corrected, or I just made a big bloody mistake and now I've blocked the biggest trade channel in the world and countries are rationing their fuel and everyone's watching me, but I still can't be bothered to move?
"Like why aren't I moving? This is really embarrassing for me but I'm still just sitting here?
"The whole world is watching me. There's memes. A silly little excavator has attempted to dislodge my fat arse from the muddy banks of the world's busiest canal and still I sit here, watching Netflix and eating too many Easter eggs.
"Everything just feels too hard, you know what I mean?"
My friends nodded in agreement. Suddenly they understood. And they soon realised they too are the Ever Given.
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