I am a terribly awkward person at the best of times.
Let alone when I'm about to walk into a store for a personalised, all-about-me lingerie and sex toy appointment. That is... peak awkward.
I entered the Sydney city Honey Birdette store not quite sure what to expect. I'd been told COVID-19 and its subsequent restrictions had led to an influx in customers keen on a customised shopping experience - whether it be a lingerie fitting or adult toy tour - but what exactly did that mean for me, and my 'good' $25 Cotton On bralette?
Mamamia confessions: The weirdest place I've had sex. Post continues below video.
I had entered a Honey Birdette store a handful of times before, on account of a close friend's obsession with their salted caramel lube, (pre-COVID, they'd pop some on your finger for a taste and it was divine. More on that later!) so it was a semi-recognisable space. But on any normal shopping day, there are other customers and my friend, who will launch into a passionate debate of salted caramel vs strawberry with the salesperson, leaving my eyes to just kind of... dart around in peace.
This time there was no one but me and the store's wonderful staff Charlotte and Sofia. Oh, and my champagne glass.
I have no doubt they could tell I was nervous, on account of my "HELLO HOW ARE YOU YES PLEASE I'LL HAVE A CHAMPAGNE", breathless, loud introduction, but they didn't let on.
To begin, I was asked what I liked while looking at the lingerie that covered the store's very visually-pleasing walls. Basically, my fashion comfort zone is blue - just blue. My lingerie comfort zone is sports bras and bralettes because #comfort and #ihaventleftmyapartmentinsixmonths.
This was a whole new situation. Firstly, there wasn't much blue. That was okay, because I'd given myself a pep talk which basically said 'choose anything but blue, live a little, god dammit'.
I then kind of just... waddled into the changing room, telling Charlotte I trusted her implicitly (I didn't... yet) and she could pick what she thought I'd like.