On the surface Summer Bay looks like an idyllic place to put down roots.
There’s sun, surf and a much higher-than-average number of good looking blonde people.
But dig a little deeper, or literally just watch one episode of Home and Away and you’ll realise things are not exactly how they seem.
Try and resist singing along. We dare you. Post continues below video.
Nosey neighbours greet you at every turn. Unprofessional doctors/nurses/teachers/cafe owners are all up in your business, forming inappropriate relationships with people they’re ethically not supposed to form relationships with and one time, a cult reckoned it was a good place to set up camp.
That’s not even mentioning the rampant crime. And look, not to victim blame, but it seems that throwing a wedding is the exact same as asking for an explosion, an out of control horse carriage or hostage situation. That’s just how it goes in the Bay.
If Summer Bay was a real place, precisely no one would live there.
Let us present a large, yet not exhaustive (because there’s more than 7200 episodes and we have… lives), body of evidence:
The number of firearms is… concerning.
An incomplete list of characters who have been shot:
- Kerry Barlow
- Saul Bennett
- Noah Lawson
- Sarah Lewis
- Josh West
- Dennis Gillen
- Colin Marshall
- Danny Braxton
- Casey Braxton
- Charlie Buckton
- Jack Holden
- Charlotte King
- Atticus Decker
- Kat Chapman
- Willow Harris
The hospital is not a safe place.
- A character casually purchases a cell phone bomb and it detonates at the hospital
- The hospital is held under siege by a deadly gang
- Johnny Cooper dies from a potassium overdose after physiotherapist Sam Holden sabotages his syringe
The justice system is… a bit sh*t.
- Vinnie dies in a prison fire… except actually wait, he didn’t, he’s in witness protection yet is somehow still allowed to contact Leah
- Sarah Lewis escapes from a psychiatric institution and holds most of the town’s residents hostage
- Ailsa Stewart was raped by a prison officer while serving time for the manslaughter of her father, and has a child named Shauna
- Saul kidnapped Selina not once, not twice, but THREE times
- Dani is found guilty of attempted murder after she accidentally hits Kane, her rapist who dates her sister, with her car
- For months – like, literally MONTHS – a stalker terrorises Summer Bay
- Snr Detective Eaves was involved in a people smuggling operation and is arrested after a standoff with Angelo and Charlie
- Charlie, a cop, dates known criminal Darryl Braxton
- Kat discovers Josh Barrett killed Charlotte, but does not arrest him straight away so he can support his mourning girlfriend
- Detective Dylan Carter is a domestic abuser, plus blackmails a judge in a murder trial
Fires happen. All the time.
- The original grocery store/cafe burns down after it is bombed, killing Philip Matheson
- Colleen, the most annoying person IN THE WORLD, burns down the cafe
- The cafe is the location of a racism-fuelled riot, which results in it being burned down
- The Sarah McKay Drop-in Centre burns to the ground
- Ric burns down the Surf Club Kiosk
- Mangrove River High School burns down and all its students must move to Summer Bay High
- Um, John bloody Palmer was an arsonist for a while, you guys
- Hunter accidentally burned down Leah’s house
- I’ve mentioned numerous bombs and explosions and they all count
Transport in Summer Bay is more dangerous. Fact.
- David Croft was the first (but certainly not the last) resident to die in a car accident
- Bobby dies when she and Luke’s speedboat hits a log
- Laura Bonnetti is struck and killed by a train
- Ken Smith dies after being crushed under the car he was working on
- Pilot Benny Barron dies in a plane crash also involving Leah, Dan, Colleen, Tasha, Hayley and Kim
- A plane carrying Tori, Nate, Duncan, Mason, Brody, Evie, Billie, Leah and Irene crashes
- Lisa Duffy dies after suffering a head injury in an illegal drag race
- Miles Alcott dies in a car accident
- Matt Owen dies in a motorbike accident
- After being burned in an explosion at Martha and Jack’s wedding, guests are helicoptered to a hospital in ‘The City’… but the helicopter crashes
- Beth Hunter dies in a car crash
- Kane drives his car into the wall of the diner, where the school formal was being held
- Trey Palmer plants a bomb under a school bus??? How do these people keep getting bombs???
- Dexter is injured in a car crash after Ruby tampers with the car’s breaks
- Axel Hay dies after his scooter is hit by a car
- Leah, Kyle and Hannah suffer major injuries in a bus crash
- Oscar MacGuire is crushed by a car after a caravan explosion
- After a tussle in a car with policeman Scott, Robbo Shaw dies when the car crashes
The Bay is very susceptible to natural disasters.
In just a few decades, the Bay has dealt with a mudslide, a major earthquake (scientifically suss, because Sydney is not exactly known for its fault lines), a deadly flood, a bush fire ripping through town followed by a cyclone just two years later. And in 2011 there was a storm, aptly titled ‘the great storm’. Oh yes, and there was that time Colleen was struck by lightning and concluded that God was punishing her for spreading rumours. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Just… everything else.
- A cult called ‘The Believers’ sets up camp near town and indoctrinate Tasha Andrews (who I must remind you landed in town knowing only pig latin???)
- Kyle kidnaps Casey and leaves him for dead in the desert
- After failing to kidnap Gypsy, Robert Perez almost kills her entire family by setting their house on fire
- Elliot kidnapped Nicole
- Approximately 2000 other kidnappings
- Kim and Kit are dehydrated and lost in the outback, but still manage to conceive a child
- Sally Fletcher is stabbed by Rocco
- The River Boys, although imo they were probably a reason to move to town
- A toxic waste site is discovered, causing a cancer cluster (A convenient explanation for the 800 cancer-related deaths in town, I guess)
And honestly, we could keep going and going and going.
Summer Bay is cursed, and we must give major props to Leah, Irene and especially Alf for defying all the odds.
May they never, ever be shot by a crazed stalker, or fall victim to a bomb detonation at the bait shop.
Feature images: Channel 7.