6 things I learned when I shifted my thinking about who I look to for inspiration.

A few months ago, H&M made a bold request.   

They asked us to rethink our idea of what a role model could be. Instead of looking up to movie stars or famous household names, they challenged us to shift our focus onto the youngest among us: our children.

When I first heard about their Role Models initiative, I thought it was sweet. It seemed like the perfect movement for a time in history when we were (and still very much are) passionately focused on creating a better, more inclusive future.

But it wasn’t until four weeks later – about a month ago – that the true power of the message really came full circle for me.

It was a Friday evening and I was walking my boy-girl twin toddlers, Stella and Cooper, home from the playground. Their friend from class, let’s call her Sophie, was walking home with us. As her mum and I exchanged house-hunting war stories, we overheard their conversation:

“Where’s your mum?” Sophie asked.

“I don’t have a mum. I have two dads!” Stella responded. 

“You have two dads?”

“A Dada and a Daddy," Cooper joined in.

“Really?” Sophie replied. “I wish I could have two dads!”

And just like that, the conversation ended. Sophie’s mom reminded her daughter about the different types of families, and I glided home with a massive smile plastered on my face.

Image: Supplied.

In the matter of seconds, my fears and concerns for the world that my children would inherit began to fade. At that very moment, I realised there was something to this whole “children as role models” thing.

Since then, I’ve found it impossible to get it out of my head. Because once you start to look to your children for inspiration – truly get down to their level and allow yourself to be inspired by their creativity, their acceptance and their focus on being kind humans – it’s virtually impossible to stop.

I’ve accepted H&M's movement with such gusto, that I’ve started seeing my babies as mini Dalai Lamas with these wonderful traits. And here’s exactly what I’ve learned from Stella and Cooper.

1. A role model leads with empathy. 

When my daughter saw that I was upset after getting off a phone call with my family in America, she said “Do you miss your mummy? That makes me want to cry. It is so sad to miss your mummy.”

She didn’t accidentally belittle my experience by trying to quickly fix the situation. Instead, she validated my emotions. In fact, she seemed to feel them too. As adults, we often lose sight of that ability.

2. A role model cares about the environment.

Image: Supplied.

When my son saw a boy at the playground ripping leaves off a brush, he said “don’t do that! Plants are alive! They eat the sun and the dirt, just like you eat spaghetti. And the leaves are its mouth!”

He, at such a young age, was already more environmentally conscious than most adults. He retained the fact that leaves are the food production system for plants. And then he made the connection that pulling them all off would compromise the tree’s ability to make food.

Well, my mind was blown.

3. A role model lives in the present.

When I tried to get Stella and Cooper to move on from the sandpit a few weeks back (they had been playing there for nearly an hour), my daughter looked up to me and said “Why do we always have to keep moving to the next thing? Can’t we just play until we aren’t having fun?”

Unlike most adults, who are constantly focused on the predetermined schedule and feel the incessant need to keep moving, children stay present when they feel joy. I reckon most adults could benefit from living a little bit more in the now. 

Image: Supplied.

4. A role model seeks to understand.

Prior to this exercise, I was feeling trapped under the weight of the dreaded Why Phase from the kids, who literally question everything. But now, I've really tried to see and hear it in a different light. For example, a recent conversation between my son and I ended like this:

“Do you have any other questions, Cooper?”

“What is a question, Dada?”

“It’s a sentence that requires an answer. They usually start with words like what, where or who.”

Side note: Listen to author, Sean Szeps on Mamamia's podcast for parents, This Glorious Mess. Post continues below.

“What is a sentence? And what is required? And what does “usually” mean?”

Hm. Insert a very long pause as I consider how to methodically attack the task at hand.

But his approach was exactly right. Not only are toddlers a walking billboard reminding us of the importance of being inquisitive (it’s the only way we learn, after all), but also reminding us how important it is to ensure you’re communicating in a clear manner that matches the level of comprehension and experience that the person you’re attempting to engage with has.

You got me there, Cooper.

5. A role model is open-minded.

When I first showed my daughter a picture of my dear friend Deni Todorović, a beautiful non-binary person with a dark beard and stunning makeup, she said: “Why is he wearing makeup, Dada?”

I responded with, “Actually, Deni prefers we say THEY, not HE.”

“Why are they wearing makeup, Dada?”

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No hesitation. No judgement. No need to compute. She didn’t stop to debate the English language with me or question Deni’s right to use they/them pronouns. 

Instead, she heard the request and was open-minded enough to immediately put it in use.

Kids are, as Stella proved that day, never too young to challenge old ways. And I reckon we can all learn something from her empathetic approach to trying on a new way of doing things.

6. A role model is fearless.

When my son sees a rock, he climbs it. Every. Single. Time.

Image: Supplied.

One day, he was dangling off the edge and I shouted “Cooper, be careful. You could fall and hurt yourself.”

He screamed back, “If I fall I will know not to play this game again!”

Mic drop.

Kids jump. They climb. They sprint, fall and then they do it all over again. Cooper’s response is a friendly reminder to all adults (myself included) that being bold and daring with our choices is not only how we learn, but it’s how we make the most interesting and exciting of memories.

Image: Supplied.

There’s a special moment that occurs when you choose to see your children as role models. Some of the pressure of being the “perfect” parent drifts away as you start to realise just how much they can teach you.

So do yourself a favour and join me in H&M's Role Models Movement. And while you’re at it, take the time to talk with your own children about young people’s ability to help shape the world. Because in order to inspire this young generation, they need to see someone who looks and talks like them being elevated to “role model” status.

It’s only then that they’ll believe they have the power to make a difference in the world, too.

Feature Image: Supplied.