Nine teachers on the wildly inappropriate (and hilarious) things their students have said.

There’s no denying that teaching is one of the hardest jobs out there.

From the long hours to the almost endless workload to the struggles of dealing with difficult parents, it’s no easy feat.

But there’s one aspect that trumps all others – attempting to keep a straight face when your student says something wildly and hilariously inappropriate.

Yep, it’s pretty damn hard.

As we all know, kids are not afraid to speak their mind.

And some of them appear to have no filter at all.

Teachers shared the most hilarious (albeit, inappropriate) things they’ve heard their students say in a recent Reddit thread.

Here’s what they had to say:

Santa, my ass…

“Last week, I jokingly told one of my grade eight students that he better behave because Santa was watching. He strolled away saying nonchalantly, ‘Santa, my ass…’

“I cracked up.”

Finger painting gone wrong

“My girlfriend is a teacher. There was a little boy in her class who was finger painting. He stops, looks at his hands and says ‘Now, how the f*ck do I get this off’.”

WATCH: Teachers Translated. Post continues below…

“Do you have kids?”

“Not me but my fiancé. She’s a really great teacher but was having trouble with this one class.

“One of the students asked her, ‘Mrs Teacher, do you have any kids?’

“My fiancé said, ‘Oh God no!’

“The kid replied, ‘That might be for the best’.”

Uncontrollable laughter

“Kid in my class was given some bad news once and exclaimed ‘aw sh*t right on my d*ck…’ It was inappropriate, but it sounded so incredibly genuine and defeated.


“My English teacher looked like she was in physical pain, having to punish him, despite laughing uncontrollably and feeling sympathy for the situation.”

Movies are important

“One of our students (learning disabled) dumped a glass of water on another student (also learning disable) because ‘we don’t have time for naps today… we have to watch a movie’.

“I cried real tears under my desk because I could not stop laughing.”

“He has a helmet on.”

“I teach Pre-K. The kids were out at recess and one was riding a bike wearing his helmet, as he should. One of my girls walked by and hit him over the head with our plastic baseball bat.

“I asked her why she did that. She replied ‘Eh, he has a helmet on’. I had to turn away and snort before telling her it wasn’t okay to hit anyone, even if they have a helmet.”

If your child’s hair doesn’t align with school rules, is it acceptable for a teacher to cut it? We discuss, on our podcast for imperfect parents. Post continues below…


“A friend of mine teaches 1st grade, one day her class was watching Hercules and during the scene where Hades is smoking a cigar, a kid shouts ‘Miss! He’s smoking a fat blunt!’

“I can’t imagine trying to keep a straight face when she had to tell her that she can’t say that kind of stuff in school.”

The B-word

“I had recess duty a few years ago. A kindergarten girl came running over with another girl right after her and said ‘She called me the B-word’.

“When I asked the second student if she called the first student the b-word, she turned to the first one and said ‘Motherf*cker doesn’t start with a B’.”

Cows have what?

“Teaching first grade and a kid came up to me and said ‘Miss, E just said something bad’.

“So I walk over to E and ask if he said something inappropriate. He shrugs, looks sheepish and says ‘I said cows have big boobies’. I literally paused with my mouth open, was not expecting that one.”

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