I loved it when I was in a relationship. As a single woman it makes me mad.
As women in the dating game, we are often thought of as single, desperate and lonely. The image people often think of is of a tussled haired woman sitting in her flannelette pyjamas hugging a mug of tea (or wine) while eating chocolate stained by her salty tears. Oh no wait, that’s just Hollywood.
Because in reality, single women do not look like this.
Single women are everywhere. They’re independent women sporting high heels and a briefcase in the city. They’re women getting dirty on farms in the country. They’re women with kids. They’re women who live with friends or by themselves. They drive, they surf, they play sport and they do things (not just mope at home with 11 cats at their feet).
But that’s not what Hollywood will have you believe. No no. Not if you go off a very popular dating movie that came out in 2009 called He’s Just Not That into You.
Remember this movie? (Post continues after the video…)
I know, I know – it came out six years ago, so why has it taken me so long to get enraged by it? The answer is simple. For the last six years I’ve been in a relationship – so when I watched it I laughed and didn’t think about it so much. But now, today, I am single. And when I sat down to watch this movie I expected the same old funny, light-hearted end to my weekend. I was wrong. So wrong.
The movie portrays women as silly damsels in distress who sit at home staring at their phone willing it to ring, while the men are off having fun and living life. They portray single women as those who will minimise their value and status to that of a ‘wife’ (their only goal in life is to get married), and the only sexually strong and independent woman they portray is one who sleeps with a married man.
The men are never waiting by the phone. The men are the ones who make the call. The men are strong and independent, while women can’t even make a phone call.
Men should take some of their own advice and understand that the saying works both ways – women can also not be that into men (shock I know).
What got me most mad about the whole movie though (gender roles aside) is the fact that it completely portrays dating as a game where there are rules. And it puts every woman and every man in the same basket. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same.
Not all men play stupid games, and not all women fall victim to the stupid games. Some women are game players themselves and some men are eager from the beginning. But ultimately, once you get past the ditsy teen flirtation stage in life, dating is no longer about games and rules. It’s about just finding someone who you connect with and making it known if you have feelings for them.
The one thing I have read that most closely sums up the dating game is a concept called F*ck yes or no. It’s a ‘guide’ written by a man called Mark Manson.
Ultimately Manson explains that dating is simple. When you’re deciding about a potential partner (or deciding about anything in life) if you’re answer toward them is not F*ck yes, it’s a no. That way there’s no games, no damsels sitting by their phone, no men acting high and mighty – that is the closest perception to reality I’ve read.
So ladies (and men) if you’ve seen He’s Just Not That into You don’t buy in to the bull. That is not dating. That’s a world where women (modern, headstrong women) are diminished to being submissive to men. To minimising their status to being a man’s partner. That is not a true portrayal of women today.
And a message to the men out there who play the ‘game’. It’s simple. If we’re THAT into you, you’ll know.
What do you think about women and men in the dating game?
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