real life

"He's emotionally abusive, but I want him back"

The strength of the Mamamia community often shows itself best when it comes to helping each other, providing comfort and advice. Today Kelly* needs our help. She writes:

I left an emotionally abusive partner a little over 18 months ago and I am now feeling like I want to go back to him. I think it is a combination of “maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought” and a bit of loneliness.

We did have some good times together, but mostly all I remember is the nasty comments, him constantly putting me down and trying to cut me off from my family and the world. To top it all off he had a major problem with alcohol. He just didn’t stop drinking until he passed out. When he drank he would drone on and on at me for hours about how useless I was, that I was a slut and a liar. This started as soon as we got together when I was only 19. I tried to leave a couple of times, he promised to change, I went back, he did change for about 6 months and then it was back to “normal”. I learnt after a couple of years (we were together for 13) that if I just ignored him and didn’t fight back he would eventually pass out and I would have the peace I craved.

We have 2 children together and he has them 2 nights a week. This means we are still in regular contact and things have gotten to the point where we can speak with out fighting and actually get along pretty well. We have been spending “family time” together with days at the beach or park and he has been showing me a different side. He tells me all the time that he loves me and misses me, and wants me back. He is being supportive of me trying to build my business from home. These are things he never did while we were together.

This is making me feel like maybe he has changed, maybe we could try again? My head is telling me that this is just another of his attempts to control me, telling me what I want to hear, and that after we get back together it will be just the same.

Am I stupid to go back to him? Is it worth it for the kids to try again?