couples

Help! Is it normal... I don't fancy my husband now he's put on weight

It’s normal for attraction to fade in a relationship, but this much? Another difficult dilemma for the wise iVillage readership…

When my partner and I first met, he was much hotter than me. I was around 10 kilos overweight and never exercised. He was trim and super fit. He inspired me so much that I lost the excess weight and we became the kind of couple who ate well and exercised together. We were the perfect match.

15 years later and my husband is now borderline obese. It started with a few extra kilos of comfort weight during those initial years when we ate out often, cooked together and rented lots of videos. Instead of surfing every morning and cycling every afternoon he began to skip sessions to be with me. He swore to lose those first few kilos but they never came off.

Then he put of a few more, and a few more, and a few more.

He began to feel self-conscious. I assured him that he still looked good to me but explained that I’d like for him to lose some weight due to his health, but he never did. Eating became his new hobby, replacing exercise and he is now 30 kilos overweight and looks like a completely different person.

At first I tried to be supportive and understanding. I love him so much. But the truth is that I am no longer attracted to him. He really looks terrible. He is bloated, sallow and has a huge gut. I hate seeing him nude. Also, watching him eat is enough to kill any shred of attraction that remained. He eats thoughtlessly and he eats ridiculous amounts of junk food. I don’t buy it for him but he goes to the shops outside of my healthy grocery shop and buys enough junk to last the entire week.

At first it only affected our sex life, but now our entire relationship is affected. I resent the fact I am worried about his health all because he is in denial about his weight. Whenever I bring it up he repeats to me the words I used to say to reassure him, “At least you’re fit”, “You carry it well”, “You still look good for your age”.

I just want him to lose weight. I want to be attracted to my husband. I want us to look like we match.

Is it reasonable of me to not be attracted to him now that he is so overweight or is there something else wrong with our relationship?

Should her attraction to her husband be affected to his weight or perhaps is there more wrong than this relationship than just weight gain? Have you had to encourage your partner to lose weight before?