sex

Heidi Anderson "gave birth" to an egg that was supposed to improve her sex life.

Over the weekend, I gave birth… to a Yoni Egg.

I know. What the hell?

Yoni Eggs have been used by women for around 5000 years. They are polished stones, shaped like eggs and worn inside the vagina.

My sexuality coach Rosie Rees gave me one to try about 18 months ago. She said it would help me have greater sex and tighten the pelvic floor muscles.

I jumped at the idea, so she handed over three jade stones of all different sizes. I mean, who doesn’t want better sex?

All three of the egg-shaped jade stones had little holes in the end to tie a string through, so you could easily extract it.

She said, ‘Pop it up there and you’re on your way.’ Not once did she tell me I would have to give birth to it.

Now in hindsight, it makes sense.

I do know you push babies out… But eggs? Wtf?

You’d think at 32 I would be more in tune with my girly bits. But to be honest, I’ve never really been into exploring myself sexually.

Don’t get me wrong — I have a great sex life with my partner, but I have never really been one to go exploring down there on my lonesome. For someone who is quite open about their sex life, the thought of exploring my own bits, irks me a little.

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Now, back to the giving birth to a Yoni Egg.

The biggest sized egg she gave me was about the size of a chicken egg, with the smallest about the size of a mini chocolate egg you’d receive at Easter.

Having never really been one to do my pelvic floor exercises, I was advised to use the bigger sized chicken egg first.

As Rosie was explaining, I didn’t hear a thing. All I was thinking was, ‘How the hell will I fit one of those up there?’ I put them in my handbag and off I went.

For 18 months these eggs have sat in my drawer. Too afraid to put them up there, I’ve just let them gather dust… until Saturday.

I got out of the shower and, for some reason, thought, ‘Today is the day, I’m going to try these eggs and work on those pelvic floors.’

So I opened up the drawer and dusted off the larger sized egg.

Yoni Eggs. Image supplied.

I remember Rosie telling me to tie string or dental floss to the egg where the little holes were, just in case it became uncomfortable and I wanted to extract it.

So I grabbed the dental floss, tied it to the egg, and then inserted it just like she had informed me. It was like a vacuum — straight up.

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Instantly I freaked out, so I pulled at the floss to get the egg out. Next minute, the floss is broken and the egg is stuck.

I’m now panicking.

My brain is exploding with thoughts. 'How can I be so stupid? The egg is going to be stuck up there forever. I’ll be one of those people my friend, who is a nurse, laughs about. I’ll have to have it surgically removed.'

I can see it in the paper: Radio host has to have an egg surgically removed from her…

I’m now sweating and pacing the hallway; I can feel the cold, egg-shaped stone. I go and lie down on my bed. I know what I’ll do — I'll pull it out. So I fondle around trying to get hold of the egg.

I’m making it worse.

I decide to call Rosie — she doesn’t answer.

I then phone my nurse bestie — she doesn’t answer, either.

I try my other mate, who has used these before — she doesn’t answer either.

I send them all texts. NOTHING!

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"F**k, what am I going to do now?”

I seriously think I’m going to have a heart attack. “Do I call triple 0?”

I tell myself to calm down, that it’s going to be alright.

I run to the kitchen and rummage through the drawers. I find the tongs. My mind is racing.

Fresh curls for the #ascotraces yesterday ????❤️

A photo posted by Heidi Anderson (@realheidi) on

“Should I use these? F**k NO, I’ll do some damage.”

At this point, I’m crying, I can’t believe it; rocking up to the hospital and explaining this could quite possibly be the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

My phone then beeps; my best friend Mel has sent me a text.

“Take a deep breath, Heidi. Crouch down like you’re giving birth and push like you’re having a baby. Women have been doing this for years. You’ve got this.”

I ran to the cupboard, grabbed a towel, crouched down in a squat and pushed.

I did it. I gave birth to a Yoni Egg.

Heidi Anderson from hit92.9's Heidi, Will & Woody. To follow Heidi's adventures or get in touch www.realheidi.com.

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