McDonalds chooses its new mascot straight from your worst nightmares.

McDonalds has just unveiled their new mascot and it’s approximately 1,000 times creepier than Ronald McDonald.

Meet “Happy” – the smiling box of teeth chosen to represent, arguably, the world’s most successful obesity enabler. Nugget factory McDonalds gleefully announced the appointment via Twitter:

The reaction was swift and brutal, with hundreds of replies calling Happy terrifying, scary and hideous. Some of the snarkiest:

We can all unanimously agree that Happy The Chattering Set Of Teeth is a character plucked, Inception-style, straight from our worst nightmares.

But he ain’t got nothing on Hector The Lump Of Coal.

Hector is a rotund, morally dubious ambassador for the Dalrymple Bay Coal Terminal in Queensland. This garish grey boulder attends book fairs, school fetes, footy matches and libraries throughout the Sunshine State, giving kids advice on everything from bullying and homework to conserving energy.

Here’s Hector with some definitely-pleased-to-see-him human people.

Here’s Hector hosting his own TV show, The Hector Show, which appears on Channel 7 in Mackay and on the common interwebs.

He’s kind of cute, right?

Never mind that adorable Hector is a noxious, non-renewable resource with total disregard for conserving our natural environment for all his greatest fans – kids. Never mind that he’s an ambassador for a destructive corporate giant. Never mind that he’s a disingenuous lump of coal, preaching about good health on behalf of an industry that fills our air with pollution.


But is Hector the creepiest corporate mascot of all time? Is Happy?

Or are any of these guys?

00:00 / ???