dating

'Men won't commit to me because of my career. Three years ago, I made a backup plan.'

When Hayli tells men on dating apps about her career, half of them lose interest. For this reason, the 38-year-old has a pre-written paragraph that she sends out to justify her job. 

"Once they see the theory or the rationale behind it, most of them are okay with it. But it's hard to get to that stage to get them to listen to that," Hayli Hooper told Mamamia.

As a nurse and OnlyFans model, it is the latter job that causes potential partners to "immediately put up walls".

"They hear the word OnlyFans and go down one of two routes," she explained. "The first one is they think I'm hot and they want to meet me or hook up, but, because I do the adult stuff, they go straight into sexy chat like 'I wish I could see you at work, or I wish I could see how you perform.'"

Watch Mamamia Out Loud on dating apps. Post continues after video.


Video: Mamamia

She continued, "I tell them straight away: 'You choose which avenue you go down. You keep asking questions like that and you can pay me as an OnlyFans client. Or you choose to hold back on that chat, actually get to know me, and meet the real me.

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"I don't tolerate that kind of talk from guys, straight up, just because I'm in this industry. If I was a girl who didn't do this, I'd be put off about you just smashing me with sex chat straight up."

For Hayli, the OnlyFans work is simply a way to pay the bills.

"We're not in it for attention. We're not in it to get our rocks off every day or whatever; we're doing it for money," she said. "If I was to go to the beach topless, someone's going to be staring at me. Why not get paid for this stuff?" she said. "If you match someone on a dating app and you start chatting, and may start sending nudes — at least I'm getting paid for it."

The older she gets, the more "brutal" the 38-year-old is with men on the apps — particularly now that she has learned to recognise the "red flags".

"I see people who are in it for a genuine thing or people who just pretend to be interested… and then disappear," she said.

As she reached her mid 30s, Hayli's biological clock ticked louder in her ears.

"I got pregnant for the first time in my early 30s, so I was under the impression I was highly fertile when I broke up with my long-term partner," Hayli said. "I got to 35 and I'd been single for another couple of years, and I'm like, 'Oh, maybe I should just look into it'."

Heading to the doctor, Hayli got an Anti-Mullerian Hormone blood test. This measures levels of the AMH hormone, which corresponds to a person's egg count.

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The results shocked the 35-year-old.

"My fertility [had] dropped off a cliff," she revealed. "I was so surprised."

Knowing she wanted a baby, Hayli refused to have the dark cloud of her fertility looming over her head, ultimately influencing who she decided to date.

"I found that the mistake girls are making when they get to their 30s is that the clock is ticking, so they're looking harder and quicker for more men and, you know, the pressure to be in a relationship, but at the end of the day, they end up picking the wrong person," Hayli told Mamamia.

So, she made a backup plan and froze her eggs.

Because her AMH test results were so "below average," the nurse qualified for a medical rebate.

"I was so lucky that I researched it," she said. "If I hadn't done something at the time, who knows whether I would have been able to have kids later."

Of course, she isn't on the other side of her fertility journey just yet. 

"They only implant eggs back into your body to the maximum of 44 in Australia, and depending on when you go into perimenopause," Hayli said. "I'm 38 now and coming to the end of that sliding scale, so it's starting to creep back into my head."

With strict rules in place and a sperm donor shortage in Australia, a dangerous black market trade and overseas trips for sperm have been on the rise.

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"I tried to take a friend to a sperm clinic — he's a male model, so he's got great genetics," Hayli recalled. "I paid $460 for him to jack off in a cup so I could freeze his sperm, not with my eggs, but separately, and they wouldn't allow me to own his sperm until I wanted to use it."

Nevertheless, Hayli said the decision to freeze her eggs has "definitely eased the pressure". And, with the rate things are going on the apps, the OnlyFans model is more inclined to be a single parent.

"In this day and age, it seems so many people are going to go through a period of being a single parent, and no one's relationship lasts," she reasoned.

"So it would be easier to do it on your own, and then you can move wherever you want, make the financial and medical decisions on your own, and you can meet someone who also has a child and be a Brady Bunch family. It seems a lot easier than having to consult someone for the next 18 years about everything you do."

While she is still dating and always open to finding someone, Hayli remains "cutthroat" in choosing a partner. 

"Everything that I want in a man is what I also offer," she said. "I'm not a princess sitting in a granny flat with nothing to my name. And if I can't find what I'm looking for, I would prefer not to be miserable."

Feature Image: Supplied.

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