When Hayden Panettiere was at her lowest, she gave up custody of her daughter. It wasn't her choice.

This post deals with drug and alcohol addiction, depression and domestic violence, and might be triggering for some readers.

At the tender age of 15, Hayden Panettiere says things started to go downhill for her.

The American actor and singer had already dipped her toe into the entertainment industry by the time she was in her early tweens, landing a bunch of roles in soap operas and movies during the early 2000s.

She was the quintessential girl next door. But at a certain point, her fame became murky. 

Earlier this year, Panettiere opened up about the struggles she has faced over the years, and where they perhaps stems from. She told PEOPLE that the pressure, the drugs, and the anxiety that came with Hollywood certainly took a toll on her.

Watch Hayden Panettiere talk about her experience with postnatal depression. Post continues below.

Because at age 15, Panettiere said someone in her team began to offer her "happy pills" before walking red carpets. 

"They were to make me peppy during interviews. I had no idea that this was not an appropriate thing, or what door that would open for me when it came to my addiction," she reflected.

These pills soon evolved into serious alcohol consumption and occasionally taking opioids. And for a while, Panettiere was able to keep hold of it – keeping her addiction behind closed doors. 

A year or two later, she landed the role of superpowered cheerleader Claire Bennet on Heroes, along with a string of other teen films. 

"My saving grace is that I couldn't be messy while on set and working," she said. "But things kept getting out of control [off set]. And as I got older, the drugs and alcohol became something I almost couldn't live without."

In 2009, when Panettiere was 19, she met and fell in love with Ukrainian boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko. 

They split two years later, but reconciled in 2013, getting engaged in October of that year. Their daughter Kaya was born in December 2014. 

But after her daughter's birth, Panettiere publicly shared she was struggling with post-natal depression.

"I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn't want to spend any time with her," Panettiere said, confirming she went back to drinking after Kaya was born. 

"There was just this grey colour in my life."

Hayden and Wladimir during their relationship. Image: Getty. The alcohol and prescription drugs were beginning to seriously affect her relationship with Klitschko too.

"He didn't want to be around me," she recalled, speaking to PEOPLE. 

"I didn't want to be around me. But with the [drugs] and alcohol, I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I'd feel worse than I did before. I was in a cycle of self-destruction."

The same year Kaya was born, Panettiere's iconic show Nashville began airing, which also starred Connie Britton.

Panettiere played troubled country singer Juliette Barnes on Nashville, and it soon became apparent that her character's inner demons mirrored her own.

💋👩‍👧#Mommy pic.twitter.com/vaSrkVy5qj

— Hayden Panettiere (@haydenpanettier) June 3, 2017

"We have connected, and I think she's doing really well," Britton told the Associated Press when news of Panettiere's rehab stays became public. 

"She's right where she needs to be, and that's really good, and we all support her in that."

By 2018, Nashville had finished up, and Klitschko and Panettiere's relationship had ended. 

After admitting she needed help for her addiction, the actress agreed to allow Kaya to spend some extended time in Ukraine with her father. 

What Panettiere didn't realise was that she was signing away full custody.

"[Kaya] was almost three, and it wasn't fully my decision," she said this week when appearing on Red Table Talk. 

"In fact, I didn't even know it was happening until she was already over there," she continued.

"I was gonna go work on myself and I was gonna get better, and when I got better that things could change and she could come to me and I could have my time with her - but that didn't happen."

Panettiere said she just assumed it was a regular visit for Kaya to go and see her father.

"I thought she was going over to visit him like she always did," the actress said.

"[Kaya] would go back and forth from me in Nashville and Ukraine, and then once she was over there, it was immediately, 'I want full custody of her,' which was a shock to me.

"It was very upsetting signing those papers to give him full custody. It was like the most heartbreaking thing I've ever, ever had to do in my life."

Listen to The Spill: the forgotten tragedy of Hayden Panettiere. Post continues after audio.

After her daughter relocated permanently to Ukraine, the drinking worsened for the actress, and she was eventually hospitalised, suffering from jaundice. 

Then she began a relationship with real estate agent and actor Brian Hickerson.

In 2019, Hickerson was arrested over an alleged incident of domestic violence at the couple's home in Los Angeles. On Valentine's Day in 2020, he was then arrested for a separate instance of domestic violence. He had allegedly punched Panettiere in the face.

She has since referred to that relationship as a "very dark time" in her life.

"A lot of women go through what I went through, and I want people to know it's okay to ask for help. None of it is okay, and I want to make sure that everybody knows that. But I am open to people who are willing to get help and make amends," she told PEOPLE.

Panettiere noted that her ex-partner Hickerson has since "gone to treatment and done his time," adding, "I'm trying to live in a place of forgiveness", because doing so it has given her "a lot of inner peace".

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A post shared by Hayden Panettiere (@haydenpanettiere)

As for what life looks like now for Panettiere, she said she is in a much better place and is sober. She also said she has been working on her relationship with her daughter who is now seven.

"She has a beautiful life. I was just with her. She's just an amazing child. She's smart, and she's funny, and for whatever reason, she still loves me. She's a happy kid open to a huge world. And she has more love than anybody I've ever met," Panettiere said in July.

Given the war in Ukraine, Kaya is out of the country and away from the conflict, with her famous dad remaining in Ukraine to contribute to the war effort.

Panettiere credited her most recent rehab stay, which was an eight-month long stint, for helping her through addiction and letting her find peace. 

"It's an everyday choice, and I'm checking in with myself all the time. But I'm just so grateful to be part of this world again, and I will never take it for granted again."

If this post brought up any issues for you, you can contact Drug Aware, Australia's 24hr alcohol and drug support line. You can reach them on (08) 9442 5000 or 1800 198 024.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

Feature Image: Getty.