What I’m about to tell you is hard for me to describe and harder to admit to.
A disclaimer: I’m in no way promoting having an affair, nor am I assuaging myself of the guilt I carry for my actions, lest anyone should think otherwise. This is just my personal inquiry of the wisdom I can derive at this point in my life as I work to let go of and heal from the impact of this experience.
Let me begin by saying that I’m married to a wonderful man who truly loves and understands me for who I am. But after five years of marriage and a vivacious three-year-old son, I felt my life — what was left — slipping out of my grasp.
I wanted and needed to grab onto something … someone that would help me feel like my “old” self. And sure enough, I met that very person.
I met “Noah” at the gym at the beginning of 2015. I’d seen him there a few times before our first actual introduction and asked a mutual acquaintance what his situation was. Was he married, girlfriend, gay? None of the above.
He was separated and had been living alone for a while. Since I was obviously married, my first inclination was to set him up with good friend of mine. So I took the first step and showed her his LinkedIn profile, and surprisingly she wasn’t interested.
The next day at the gym, Noah curiously asked me if I found out what I was looking for. I was dumbfounded by his question. Then he mentioned he knew that I looked at his LinkedIn profile.
I gave him a very weak answer which of course he didn’t believe, but then admitted he was flattered and impressed by my boldness. I then bolted from the gym in total embarrassment.
After the drive home, I realised my reaction was a bit silly. After all, it seemed like he just wanted to get to know me. So I decided to send him a connection request on LinkedIn. His response was immediate and I was thrilled. We spent the next few days exchanging text messages and pictures, and I was totally overwhelmed. (Post continues after gallery.)
Our first phone conversation was just as stimulating as our first hello. We talked for well over an hour and learned a great deal about each other. I know what you’re thinking … you talked to this guy for an hour and you think you know him? Yes, because I felt something just by talking to him that I never felt before. It felt real.
We decided to have lunch early that week and he was just as I’d hoped he would be. He was chivalrous, polite, and very assertive, which was a complete turn-on. Halfway through our meal, he leaned over and asked me, “Do you think you could love me?”
My heart dropped. How is this even possible? Unless he’s a total fraud and just does this kind of thing for fun. I nodded my head yes. He made me so nervous at times that I really couldn’t even speak; I just let him do most of the talking.
We agreed to meet later after work for a drink and more conversation. He invited me over to his house. I was a bit hesitant at first because I was fairly certain how I already felt about this man and knew we would have sex.