This post deals with stillbirth and miscarriage, and could be triggering for some readers.
The primal urge to have another baby after losing mine outweighed my fear of facing more grief and heartache.
Pregnancy, and trying to get pregnant after the loss of a baby, is terrifying. It’s like holding your breath underwater when all you want to do is exhale.
Grief, hope, fear, and love combine in an exhausting mish mash of heightened emotions.
It’s petrifying and I can understand why anyone who hasn’t experienced this first hand would question why you’d want to expose yourself to more potential anguish and heartache.
Watch: Chrissy Teigen explains her high-risk pregnancy. Post continues below.
The answer isn’t simple, nor is it the same for everyone, but after my baby boy Miles was stillborn, the primal urge I felt to hold a living, breathing, baby of my own again surpassed all logic, overrode my anxieties, and screamed the loudest.
It didn’t feel like a choice, it was something I instinctively knew I had to do.
Chrissy Teigen who tragically lost her baby Jack in October 2020 revealed recently that she is “deep in another IVF cycle to save as many eggos as I possibly can”.
She is hopeful that they will be able to “make some strong, healthy embryos” and begged people to stop asking if she’s pregnant, “because while I know it’s said with excitement, good intentions, it just kind of sucks to hear because I am the opposite of pregnant."
And that’s just it really, not being pregnant when it’s all you want to be really sucks.
Like Chrissy, I went through natural labour to deliver a much-wanted child. I was six months pregnant when I was blindsided by stillbirth.