friendship

You definitely have a 'yoni egg' friend. Here's what that means.

You most definitely have a yoni egg friend and it’s very important you know who that is.

On the popular television show streaming on Stan, The Bold Type, a young woman named Jane goes to a sex therapist because she’s never had an orgasm before.

Because this is a fictional series and not at all real life, Jane is prescribed a yoni egg (also called a jade egg or love egg) which she is meant to put inside her vagina to increase sexual pleasure.

But there’s a problem.

It gets… stuck.

yoni egg
A yoni egg out in the wild. Image via yoniegg.com.

And when it's stuck, Jane is left with one of life's greatest and most universal questions: Who the f*ck do I call to help me get this yoni egg out of my vag hole?

GURL. We've all been there.

The yoni egg friendship test simply asks the question: If I were to have an object that ideally should not be in my vagina, inside my vagina, or, in fact, any strange... thing inside any bodily orifice, then who is my go-to person?

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WHO?

That person needs to be someone who:

  1. Can abstain from judgement, at least until the task at hand is completed
  2. Can keep secrets
  3. Is not grossed out by anything
  4. Most definitely is not sexually attracted to you
  5. Is not your mum
  6. Is focused and has a can-do attitude!

LISTEN: This week on Mamamia Out Loud, we discussed the yoni egg friendship theory, plus lots more. Post continues below. 

People who we believe are ideal yoni egg friends include:

Amy Schumer

Meryl Streep

Osher Gunsberg

Lisa Wilkinson

Sarah Ferguson

Leigh Sales

Meshel Laurie

Oprah

Brooke Boney

Lee Lin Chin

People who are most definitely not yoni egg friends include:

Gwyneth Paltrow

Tony Jones

Bernard Tomic

Jennifer Lopez

Mariah Carey

Meghan Markle

Kylie Minogue

Both The Veronicas

Do you understand now?

It is important to identify your yoni egg friend because they are very necessary in emergency situations. Weird rash under your arm? Yoni egg friend. Something oozing? Yoni egg friend. Lost your children under all the mess in your house? Yoni egg friend. In the middle of a very stressful police chase?

Yoni. Egg. Friend.

They might just be the most important friend you have.

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