Star of some movies and some salads Gwyneth Paltrow — who has brought us such hits as “Wear Socks and Get Slim” and “One-Chickpea Soup Recipes” — has deigned to give us plebs another lesson in being Good At Life Like Gwyneth. But this time, it doesn’t have any kale.
Gwyneth would like to teach us how to make a bed.
Obviously, we’ve all been doing it wrong. We made the mistake of thinking we learned this skill from our mothers at age five. But no. We were wrong. Gwyneth has taught us how. Thank our lucky stars that a blonde saviour has dropped from the heavens to teach us idiots how to spread a sheet properly.
On her ‘positively inspiring’ website Goop, she has provided a step-by-step how-to guide called Making The Perfect Bed.
Here are the tips Gwyneth has graciously stooped to share with us. And as you finish each step, we invite you to say “NO SHIT, SHERLOCK” inside your head.
No word on how you consciously uncouple the kale and quinoa stains from the sheets. Yet.
Forget the Perfect Bed. Gwyneth has been working hard on projecting the Perfect Life. As shown here:
Meanwhile, if you’re still confused, here is our simply guide to Making A Bed Before You Go Out And Do Normal Person Things All Day:
1. Get out of bed.
2. Throw the sheets and the duvet on it.
3. Omit steps 1 & 2 if you have no time or interest.