Gwyneth Paltrow decides everyone should have skinnier waists.

Including mums.

The Queen of Lean, Gwyneth Paltrow, 42, seems to have gone from actress to ‘body whisperer.’ And in that time, she’s decided that mothers can no longer blame carrying extra body weight on having kids.

Oh dear.

She’s taken to her health and lifestyle website Goop to share with her readers how to slim down their waists. Yes, even you mothers.

“This is a particularly poignant fact for mums who believe that giving up their hourglass shape was the price they paid to have kids,” writes Gwyneth.

Gwyneth, I almost thought that was ice cream. So close.

"And for those who haven’t had a baby in the past few years, but who experience routine bloating or weight gain in their mid-sections, Lauren’s here to help, too."

Lauren Roxburgh is Gwyneth's pal and fellow body-shaper who sculpts body tissues for a living. Together, they are Team Detox.

Apparently, the secret to whittling your waist is very simple. It involves exercise. And a special assortment of Gwyn-approved foods. Obviously.

The dishes you can easily prepare at home, apparently, are soups, juices and salads. Just say no to: alcohol, caffeine, added sugar, gluten, dairy, soy, corn, and nightshades (white, blue, red, and yellow potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant).

So basically everything.

It's green and #goopcertified

The detoxer is allowed to have lemon water (?), rice cakes with almond butter (??), and a Godzilla Native Juice (???) that is very green and very good for you.

And how about that exercise, ladies?

Standing side bends are on the menu. It involves holding a yoga roll mat while leaning from side to side. Just. Leaning.

There's also the windmill twist - a simple side-to-side movement using the roller mat behind your back. So again, some leaning.

She also suggests laying the mat on the floor and rolling over it while twisting. This, she says, increases lymphatic drainage and reduces lateral body tension and compression.

We better get on that then.

Mamamia's Jamila Rizvi did manage to try Gwyn's detox, and her results can be found here. To summarise: She hated it.

We're really trying to get excited about Gwyn, her detox, and her sort of judgy opinion about mothers and their weight. But she does make it very difficult. Let us know if you're game enough to try it.

CLICK THROUGH a gallery of all things Goop and Gwyneth.

Want more? Try:

Gwyneth thinks she's failing as a mother.

This is what Gwyneth Paltrow is buying for Christmas.

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