Dear Wippa from Fitzy-and-Wippa,
I have some words for you.
Yesterday, I was listening to you on the wireless, and you said something that
pissed me right off revolutionised my personality. I was driving my funny car down my funny street, thinking funny thoughts and just being a total LOL-a-minute, when out of nowhere, you told me I should stop being so funny, because guys don’t like it.
“Guys don’t like the funny girl,” you said. “Funny often means you’re the loud one, and I don’t think guys like the loud girl in the group.”
Fitzy tried to shut you down (bless) but you were relentless. “If you find the girl who’s the loud, funny one in the pub, guys just aren’t into you. Not very ladylike. Don’t be too funny around guys.”
Thank fuck you’ve given me that advice, Wippa. I might have continued to have a sense of humour and remained alone forever.
The day before yesterday, I was so busy making jokes around my male counterparts, that I didn’t even bake any apple pies for them that day. I stupidly poured all of my energy into having a personality, and NOT thinking about whether I was being attractive enough to men, and consequently I have this annoyingly large sense of humour and no babies.
My bad, entirely.
Hopefully, now that I’ve removed my funny bone, I can attract some husband material. FINALLY, I can stop pretending to be a complete and independent person, and instead have someone make all the jokes and witticisms on my behalf. Because that’s what wives are, aren’t they Wippa? You’re the married one. I wouldn’t know, obviously – I’ve been too busy being funny to find a husband.
Now, I’m embarrassed to admit this Wippa, but until you cured me yesterday, I had two favourite phrases that I would say. Sometimes I’d say them in pubs. Sometimes, I would even say them in front of MEN.
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