Dear Edward Zuckerberg,
First off I would like to apologise for disturbing you – I know you are probably seeing a multitude of patients in your busy life as a dentist. It’s a good thing your wife is a retired psychiatrist and at the ready to handle any problems at home should they arise (although, given your three children are all grown up you’re probably okay on the home front).
I think many people would be curious to know how a dentist who grew up in New York City raised the creator of the world’s most popular social media platform. I too share this curiosity however I feel more compelled to express my sincere gratitude to you for conceiving your son in the 1983 rather than five years earlier. Had you done so I would have gone through adolescence with the insidious presence of social media leeching into every aspect of my life and I’m not sure I would have survived.
Like most teenagers I displayed a stunning lack of judgment on a frequent basis but luckily for me those hapless exploits are not immortalised on the internet. Which is more than I can say for young people today.
Let me explain. I was mindlessly scrolling though social media before bed one evening (incidentally, an activity that has proven to elevate anxiety levels, especially in teenagers) when I came across a very disturbing photo. It was of my next-door neighbor, a 16 year old girl whom I’ve become very fond, almost protective, of. In the photo, she had most of her breast exposed, so much that I was a little surprised it passed Facebook’s guidelines for this kind of content.
A car crash of emotions exploded in my head. Like, why weren’t this girl’s parents policing her social media habits? When she eventually goes for a job is her potential employer going to knock her back on the basis of boob exposure on Facebook? And, overwhelmingly, THANK GOD ADOLESCENCE WAS BEHIND ME WHEN I CREATED A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.