Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to buy a $530 banana case because you've been carrying your bananas wrong.

Hi there, and welcome to a world where you should be paying AUD$530 for a banana case for your mum’s Christmas present and another AUD$160 on some toothpaste for yourself instead of your impending car insurance bill.

You know I’m not trolling you nor being sarcastic because right about now you’ve realised GOOP have released their annual Christmas list and you’re no doubt lamenting the fact you keep wasting your income on a mortgage and not on these gifts for yourself.

In GOOP’s defence, this particular list is titled the “ridiculous but awesome”. But I find I’m spending more time than I care to admit deciphering what some of the items are and what kind of things they really do.

Here are my favourite four:

The banana case.

Because since when did bananas need homes? Have I been treating them terribly this whole time? Am I not supposed to just throw them in my bag and give them free-range to roll around in there alone?

Apparently not. And GOOP reckons I should be spending $530 on one.

Enter the Limoges Banana Box. It's vintage, and it's a porcelain hinged banana box. And, for some reason, they're currently sold out. (Huh?)

Maybe there's something I'm missing, or maybe bananas get cold, grumpy and awfully bruised without a case to sleep in.


A cat pendant.

Here's a pendant you can spend AUD$9,200 on. It's #CrazyCatLadyGoals. GOOP's words, not mine, and it's made by a lady called Irene Neuwirth.

This Menorah.

Don't have enough places to hold your candles? The you probably should be spending AUD$3,300 on a March Brass menorah.

Toothpaste. Duh.

This toothpaste will cost you about AUD$160 but it has the word Crystal in the description so I assume it has Crystals in it that will give your teeth that extra $155 shine.

Want more where this came from? You can check out best very best GOOP Christmas ideas here.

When inevitably your friends don't buy you Christmas presents of this calibre, don't respond like this: