Revenge mail is a curious concept.
A girl I know was once sent an entire envelope of pubic hair by a jilted ex. This was before we knew about Brazilians too, so she ripped open the envelope excitedly to find someone’s thick muff hair spilling all over her pants.
A boss of mine was sent a ribbon-bound cake box. Inside was not afternoon tea, but a giant …ahem...arse biscuit.
And a former radio host, who wasn’t even a shockjock, was once sent a used tampon. Bloody hilarious.
But the days of flaming bags of dog turd are numbered because today some grumpy Aussies launched what we believe to be the best thing you can possibly receive in the mail (other than a fat tax return or an invite to a Royal Wedding):
That’s right. For 10 bucks, Ship Your Enemies Glitter will send your nemesis a fat envelope full of glitter that will spill into every crevice of their miserable, evil life.
Anyone whose been in the general 5km radius of glitter knows that the stuff ends up everywhere. It just doesn’t quit. Your hands, your face, your house, in your sister’s house who lives in the next suburb over, the dog, the elderly neighbour, your sandwich at work for the next month. No one is immune. Nothing will stop it. It’s craft herpes. And it’s the BEST.
Naturally, the website has crashed. Turns out there are a lot of revenge seekers out there on the web who are tired of sending cow shit through the mail.
Meanwhile, here at Mamamia HQ, we are collating enemies as fast as we can. Mainly so we can channel Bey and be all like ‘Oh I just woke up like this. And opened my mail.’
The mailbox is a grim place to be these days. Australia Post is feeling it, stamps have gone up, and all you ever get are bills, dentist reminders, those fridge magnet calendars from MP’s or car dealers, and hairy spiders that lurk underneath the Bunnings catalogue.
So bring on the bomb. Because to us, revenge is a dish best served sparkly.