friendship

Going on a girls' weekend? Prepare to meet these 5 types.

A girls’ weekend away is a big deal.

It’s time away from work, partners and children. Don’t get me wrong: I love them, but Christ do I need some one-on-one girlfriend time to retain my sanity every now and again.

This is how it goes.

For starters, we need to find a weekend we can all agree on. Which is, like being served first at a bar, almost impossible.

There are only two, maybe three weekends of the year that work. When a date is suggested, at least one friend isn’t able to go because “Gary has tennis every Saturday right up until the end of March”. On the next available date, “Morrie is off on another golf trip that weekend”. (I sit silently screaming and thinking maybe Morrie and Gary should just stop being such selfish shits and let you have one, JUST ONE weekend away so that you can regain some sanity. But I digress…)

Image: iStock.

When we do find a date that works, the real challenge begins. Because for 2-4 days, you are with your friends around the clock. In your 20s, this is fun. Add a few years and suddenly our friends' differences are, shall we say, more pronounced. With maturity, we've perfected our fixed personality traits.

And they are more obvious in the hothouse that is a girl's weekend away. Your friend who has always been a little obsessive with organisation and order is no longer a godsend - she's just plain oppressive. The messy, disorganised one who cannot - I repeat CANNOT - get anywhere on time or remember to bring her wallet, is no longer an adorable mess. She's just really, really annoying.

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So who will be on your next chicks' weekend? We've drilled it down to 5 types.

1.The Martyr

We all know her. She's the one who insists on doing everything herself and can be found clearing your plate before you've even finished eating. She's also the one who makes a lot of noise about being exhausted all...the...time. Hey lady, there are no medals awarded for cleanest silverware in the drawer.

What The Martyr doesn't realise is that when she doesn't join in with the rest of the girls sitting around the lounge-room, flipping through magazines and sipping on wine, she is making the rest of them feel anxious. Like they're slacking, even though the sole purpose of this trip was to relax.

Remember: It’s not her fault, she’s used to being ‘useful’ and ‘busy’ at home and relaxing doesn’t come naturally to her. You can help her out by slipping a Xanax in her tea. I’m kidding. Kind of.

girls weekend getaway
Image:iStock.

2.The Houdini

You’ve all just consumed an amazing dinner (probably prepared by ‘The Martyr’). Everyone is getting ready to help clean up only to find that - surprise, surprise - Houdini has gone AWOL. She’ll suddenly have an emergency toilet situation, or need to call home and double check on the kids, or - and this is an extreme situation - actually leave to go home early. “Sorry lovelies, great dinner but my plane leaves in 4 hours, I better get myself to the airport."

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For as long as you've known her she's pulled this stunt. So much so, the rest of you have actually started taking bets between yourselves on what her excuse will be to get out of the heavy lifting.

3.The Organiser

She is closely related to the Martyr. Because to sit down and relax = death.

Every minute of your weekend has been carefully planned and put into a handy itinerary, because she'll be damned if she's going to waste any precious time. And look, while having some plans is great, all the rest of you want to do is sleep in and enjoy the respite from a child jumping on your head at 7am.

But The Organiser doesn't care for your sleep in. She insists you practice yoga with her as the sun rises and visit galleries containing ancient urns. The only solution is to confiscate her diary.

Image:Pinterest.

4. The Party Girl

This friend is determined to party like it is literally 1999, because that's the last time she could do so without having to wake up and look after kids the next day. She wants to dance around her handbag at questionable nightclubs after drinking multiple Illusion shakers. What she doesn't want to hear is you begging to go home because it's 2am.

Really, nothing much has changed since you were all in your late teens. She was the one who went too hard, drank too much and pashed random guys in dark corners. The only difference now is that she's married with three kids and can no longer recover like an 18 year old.

Let's get this party started. And not stop. Image: Pinterest.

5. The one who takes FOREVER to get ready

URGH. This is so frustrating. As per your non-stop itinerary from The Organiser, you are heading out to some fancy pants restaurant for the night. Two of you are keen to get in your pyjamas and play cards and drink solidly but no, that just won't do. So you all start to get ready. Within 25 minutes, all but one of you is ready to head out the door. And she's the same one who kept you waiting 20 years ago.

Get your shit together, lady. Surely you've nailed having a shower and putting some lippy on in under half an hour by now?

Any of them sound familiar?

If they do, cut some slack. No matter how annoying, nothing can replace the experience and the freedom of a weekend with them.

Spending time with each other, knowing that - despite each other's faults - they get you, is priceless.

Have you discovered any other kind of women you find yourself surrounded on a girls weekend away?

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