real life

"According to studies, I'm a psychopath. And it's bullsh*t."

Daylight saving has begun and summer is well and truly in the air.

And do you know what that means? It’s officially Gin and Tonic weather.*

I’ve been really looking forward to knocking off from particularly tough days at work with a nice, ice cold glass of my beloved gin with a wedge of lime and some delicious tonic water before settling in on the lounge to watch The Good Wife. 

Until one of my best friends tagged me in this story from The Tab on Facebook last week.

I HEAR YOU, DANNY DANESH SHARMA. I HEAR YOU. 

Look. There are certain titles I'm willing to wear with pride. Feminist. Sister. Daughter. Legend.

But psychopath? Surely not. I'm pretty sure I've watched enough Law and Order: SVU and Criminal Minds in my time to be able to recognise psychopathic tendencies, thank you very much.

Citing a study from Austria's Innsbruck University, researchers found that those who enjoy bitter food and drinks are more likely to have Machiavellian, psychopathic, narcissistic and sadist tendencies.

In essence, we're a real bloody joy to be around. Hey, at least we have booze. FYI, coffee and dark chocolate lovers, you're not off the hook either. You're also horrible people, obviously.

Within the study, the participants ranked food and drink choices alongside a personality questionnaire which involved statements that included "I enjoy tormenting people." Note to my family, friends and loved ones: I have never thought this. I promise. PROMISE.

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I guess... this is me? 

The gin lovers are secret psychopaths revelation wasn't the only blow I've had to my sense of self this week. A few days ago I came across the Moral Machine. 

Brilliant! I thought, mentally priding myself on the fact that I am possibly the most moral person in the world. Terrified of getting a ticket for jay-walking, never gets on the train without a ticket, I am pretty much a perfect citizen the government should choose to replicate if cloning ever becomes viable.

Well, let me tell you, The Moral Machine is an exercise in feeling shit about yourself. Described as a "platform for gathering a human perspective on moral decisions made by machine intelligence" the program shows you moral dilemmas where you must choose the lesser of two evils.

Let's just say, both of those evils involve mowing down innocent strangers and animals with a self-driving car. There is no outcome where there is not death. I know, I know. You're probably thinking the psychopath in me would be thrilled with the potential for such carnage.

Who would you prefer to kill? 

My results showed that I would save women over men and young over old (it's just like the Titanic!) and that I had a high social value preference, which I assume may be symbolic that I'm an awful person.

Whatever. I'll always have gin.

*It's obviously Gin and Tonic weather all year round, as The World's Best Drink does not discriminate against rain nor snow.

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