We’ve met someone.
They’re warm, they look great naked sprawled amongst the messed up linen, and they can’t resist a cuddle.
Like, they literally cannot resist because they are this 120cm long carrot pillow.
Swoon. Source: Etsy
Carrot never leaves dirty dishes in the sink. Carrot never backseat-drives or judges you for eating noodles in bed on a Sunday night.
Instead, Carrot just sits, silently appreciating your beauty and mops up the sweet chilli sauce you inevitably spill all over the covers. Carrot loves to veg out.
Carrot is perfect. And retails on Etsy for around $135, which, granted, is a tad pricey, but can you put a dollar value on true happiness?
Can't resist a good root... vegetable. Source: Etsy
You don't need a man, you need a carrot. A big ol' orange softy to keep you warm all winter long.
"Carrot is patient, carrot is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Carrot does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - Corinthians 13:4-7
That said, perhaps you're not quite ready for the full commitment, in which case there's a 60cm version that easily packs away when you have, ahem, company.
There are also a few other veggies, and some fruits for those who want to keep things fresh.
Who says you can't have it all?
(Yes.) Source: Etsy