real life

3 women on the moment they broke up with the person they thought they would marry.

Breaking up is never easy. But the heartache you feel when things end with someone you saw yourself marrying is something else entirely.

If you’ve pictured your entire future with someone – maybe talked about marriage and having kids – having that dream dashed can be like having the rug pulled out from under you.

Here, three women reveal the moment they broke up with the person they thought they would marry – and how they overcame it.

Jameela*, 34: ‘It was the most confusing and upsetting time of life.’

“Mark and I had a complete whirlwind romance. We said ‘I love you’ on our first date and then booked a six week holiday – it was seriously intense and all my friends were envious. After a few months, he told he wanted to marry me and gave me the budget for an engagement ring. I went to the jewellers with my mum and excitedly picked out the princess cut diamond of my dreams. ‘Leave it with me,’ Mark said. But a year passed and he didn’t propose. And in that time the cracks really began to show. Once the novelty of the whirlwind wore off, we fought constantly and there was a very passive-aggressive side to Mark that I really didn’t like. The night before my 30th birthday, we had a huge fight. The next day, I waited and waited for an apology, for a birthday gift – but there was nothing. Mark refused to take my calls, instead texting to tell me it was over. Even though I knew by then we had big problems, I was still completely blindsided by how he ended things. It was weeks before he had the balls to speak to me, and even then he refused to meet up to talk things through. I know now I had a lucky escape, but it was probably the most confusing and upsetting time of my entire life.”

Team Mamamia confess: When they knew it was time for a divorce. Post continues below.

Video by MMC

Rachel, 35: ‘I knew I didn’t have a future with someone so fundamentally different.’

“I’d travelled all around the world before I met my partner Kevin and settled down. We’d had lots of conversations about marriage and kids but, after a few years, I started to get itchy feet and really wanted to do just one more big trip before having a family. My partner wasn’t keen – he was more of a one-week holiday on a sun lounger kind of person. But with all my stories of how great it had been, I managed to convince him to take three months off so we could travel South America together. The trip was a disaster. He complained about everything – the food, the budget accommodation I’d booked, the weather. He didn’t want to get to talk to new people or immerse himself in the culture. It was a huge turning point for me. I just knew I couldn’t marry and have kids with someone who was so fundamentally different to who I was. When we got back home, I ended things with Kevin. I remember us hugging and crying for hours but accepting it was the right thing to do. He has a new partner now and is settled and happy. I have moved overseas. I’m continuing my adventures as a single person and I know I’ve made the right decision.”

ADVERTISEMENT

Listen: Once you’ve made the decision that your relationship is over, you need to act. But where do you start? Mandy Nolan guides you through on Mamamia’s divorce and separation podcast.

Katy, 26: ‘My gut told me to snoop and I’m so glad I did.’

“I was only 18 when I met Harry, but I was utterly convinced he was going to be the man I married. Even when we cheated on me two years into our relationship, I was so infatuated with him that I forgave him, convinced it was a one-off and that drink and the other woman were to blame. But a couple of years later, I started to suspect he was being unfaithful – and this time it wasn’t a one-off thing. Harry would take his phone with him even when he went to the bathroom. He’d go for nights out with his friends and not come home, telling me he’d crashed on a mate’s couch. He was irritable and distant with me. One night, he fell asleep, leaving his laptop on and his Facebook page logged in. My gut told me to snoop and I am so glad I did. I found hundreds and hundreds of messages between him and a girl from work. They had been sleeping together for months and even said ‘I love you’ to each other. I knew I couldn’t wait until morning to confront him, so I woke him up, shoved the laptop in front of his face… and he crumbled. He said he’d never meant for it to happen but felt we’d got together too young and had drifted apart. I was so, so heartbroken, even though looking back now, I know he was right.”

* The women who have shared their stories here are known to Mamamia but their names have been changed for privacy reasons. Stock images are used. Images: Getty. 

00:00 / ???