I have a smashed iPhone.
I dropped it while trying to take a selfie and now I tap, swipe and text across a spiderweb of broken glass.
The initial breakage was devastating but after realising the phone remained fully operational, I decided to save myself the costs of repair and just roll with it.
But then on Saturday I met a former Apple employee who visibly recoiled at the cracks that swam across my screen.
“You’re not going to fix that?” she said.
Nay. I am not going to fix that as I would rather buy forty gin and tonics with the money saved.
It was then she revealed that a cracked iPhone didn’t need to set you back forty G & Ts – in fact, you could have your phone swapped for a new one without even one dollar crossing your palm.
I had heard of friends who had entered an Apple store and emerged with their wallets unscathed but they seemed to be the exception not the rule.
The secret was allegedly all to do with who you spoke to on the day and whether they wanted to do you a favour.
"There is nothing that prevents them from simply swapping it over for a new one," she said. "Dress well, get your flirt on and try and pick someone who you think will dig you."
According to this former employee, all you needed to do is find someone in the store who was susceptible to your charms.
There were however some potential dangers to the method.
The first danger came if you gave identifying details by either making an appointment or by offering it to them before you sealed the no-cash deal.
If you give the employee your details and you fail - you won't be able to try your luck at another store as it'll pop up in your account history.