Georgia Love, we're begging you. Please don't pull a Richie on us tonight.

Seven weeks ago, I sat in front of the TV and watched as a man I had never met before broke my heart into a million pieces.

The season finale of The Bachelor was a genuinely traumatic event that Australia wasn’t at all prepared for. I think we can agree that there were an inappropriate number of work absences the following day, and an embarrassing number of conversations taking place about how/why Richie Strahan could be so frivolous with the emotions of his audience.

Of course, the Channel Ten producers (those tricksters) had led us to believe that Nikki Gogan was unarguably the woman for Richie. She was bubbly and happy and funny, and she was the first woman to tell Richie she was falling in love with him. So when we saw Nikki’s shoe exit the first limousine (it’s always the first person to arrive who goes home – always), our reaction went something exactly like this:



"Maybe Channel Ten are mixing it up!" we thought. "Maybe JUST THIS ONCE the first person to arrive will be the one he chooses. Surely!"

But alas, it wasn't to be. And as Richie delivered his decision to Nikki, we experienced a range of (humiliatingly genuine) emotions. We tried to come to terms with the fact that we had been led on to believe A LIE for several weeks, but the fact is - we were hurt. We couldn't deal.

Today, I fear we might be victims of a similar experience on the season finale of The Bachelorette, and quite frankly, I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with this sh*t.

Over the last few weeks, Australia has fallen madly in love with Matty J. It's a scientific fact that the more we watch him, the more attractive he becomes, and last night he had a very heated session in the pool with Georgia Love that gave us sexy feelings.

For a reality television personality, he's incredibly likable.

He's genuinely funny, genuinely interested in Georgia, and genuinely in awe of her. When Rhys and Sam behaved like d*ckheads, it was Matty J who designed a silly game to cheer her up.

When Courtney was constitutionally incapable of telling Georgia how he felt, it was Matty J who was entirely transparent about his feelings.

I LOVE YOU. Image via Channel 10.

When all the men seem to talk about is, well, nothing, Matty J asks Georgia about her career and her plans - he laughs at her jokes, and makes everything, including making gin, look fun.


Matty J is the first person to have told Georgia he's falling in love with her. But given Nikki's fate, this could be a bad sign.

With Lee, Georgia has a very different kind of a connection. It's the 'I want to kiss you all the time because of your face' connection.

KISSES, PLS. Channel 10.

You see, Lee has a truly beautiful face. And Georgia knows this. She's been attracted to him since the moment they met, when Lee brought along that goddamn donkey to make a shitty pun.

It's the same kind of connection Richie had with Alex. We as the audience aren't as invested in it, because we're not personally kissing the face, but for Richie, and I fear, for Georgia, it trumps the humour and conversation skills of their other potential partners.

But FFS Georgia, Matty has a face too and it's really very nice.

Holy face. Image via Channel 10.

I just don't know what I'll do tonight if Georgia doesn't choose Matty J. At the very least, I'll be fundamentally broken.

My issue is this: Why must love always be portrayed so goddamn seriously on these shows? With Alex and Richie, conversations were intense and characterised by meaningful looks and sexy smiles. Not much was really said, but there was a lot of "you look amazing," "no you look amazing!," "no, really, you look amazing." It's the same with Georgia and Lee. The dynamic is sultry and seductive - but not fun.

Last night, Georgia expressed concern that the amount of fun she has with Matty J could be a problem.

Um, NO.

You can only stare into someones eyes and have conversations about how you feel for so long. Faces fade, Georgia. You want the person you can laugh with until your muscles hurt, and the one you can enjoy even the most banal situations with.

Plus, Australia likes the fun one.

There are some eerie parallels between Matty J and Nikki, and I don't want them to share the same fate.

Please Georgia, don't pull a Richie and choose Lee. Australia just can't take it.