I was so busy worrying about my impending forehead wrinkles, I forgot about my vagina wrinkles.
A new beauty craze (and by ‘craze’, I mean ‘crazy people are doing it’) involves jabbing one’s vagina with a synthetic filler, to plump up the labia for a more aesthetically pleasing front bottom. Next stop: Labia lipstick.
The ‘non-invasive’ (pfft) procedure is being referred to as the Labial Puff, which makes me picture a vagina smoking a cigarette. It gives the vagina a more youthful appearance. Don’t even get me started on how disturbing that concept is.
Here’s the worst thing: It’s side effects incluvideode painful swelling, lumpy skin, bleeding, and nerve paralysis.
Nerve paralysis, hey?
Kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face, there.
In other news: You can get your vagina steam-cleaned, too.
A group of doctors talk about the process on that bloody awful American panel show, The Doctors. They discuss the benefits of the labial puff and how great it is for a woman’s confidence. Coincidentally, half of this panel have their face skin on extra-tight, so wrinkles are clearly an unacceptable concept in their lives.
But they do stick a needle in a vagina burger. Worth watching.
We all know the side effects of too much wrinkle-interference when it comes to faces. Is it the same for vaginas? What if my vag can’t express emotion any more? It will have to hold up speech cards saying ‘I’m angry’ or ‘I’m sad’, like a woman with too much botox in her forehead.
Perhaps I won’t understand until I’m older and have experienced the ‘laxity and deflation of the labia majora’ that comes with age. But still, I’d like to assume with age comes wisdom. I hope my va-jay-jay will gracefully become old and wise, like a zenful-ly erotic Dalai Lama.
Not a synthetically plumped pin cushion.
Boycott the vag jabs, ladies. You don’t want to end up like Barbie, with a smooth area downstairs and a fake smile on your face.
Is your vagina normal? Mamamia TV asked that exact question.