WARNING: This post deals with incest and abuse. Some readers might find it triggering.
This woman’s account of her sexual relationship with her father is a deeply confronting story of incest.
Natasha, who met her biological father for the first time at the age of 19, said that the attraction was instant:
My biological father wanted to have sex with me from the first moment he laid eyes on me. This I learned two years after meeting him, as I dry heaved over his toilet in a moment of all-consuming anxiety and self-loathing. This was just after the second time we had oral sex.
According to Natasha, their first meeting was followed by a “two-year seduction” before their relationship became physical.
Before that, there had been many clues that their relationship was very different to the ones shared by other fathers and daughters, such a sharing a bed, openly discussing sexual encounters and watching porn.
But despite these red flags, Natasha was still surprised and horrified to realise she was sexually attracted to her father and initially tried to ignore her feelings.
Once they had begun their sexual relationship though, Natasha said she was filled with shame and loathing.
We had oral sex a few times, almost always preceded by my descending into a whirlwind of self-hate and disgust and dry heaving over the toilet in the bathroom…I felt so powerless that I begged him to stop me from initiating, and for him to stop initiating too. He agreed, did neither, and I remained horrifically and self-destructively unable to resist.
After seeking therapy, Natasha now realises she was the victim of her father’s abuse, and that genetic sexual attraction (GSA) is believed to be relatively common among close family members who meet as adults.
The finals words belong to Natasha herself, who is finally healing from her experience: