Ah, fashun. It’s a fickle thing.
One minute, everybody is saying SHOULDER PADS ARE GREAT! The bigger the better! But while you’re boosting those shoulders up, girlfriend, pack your boobies away… because they’re out. They are offensive and evil, because someone at Vogue said so. But don’t fear, because exposed zips are in! And nude tones? They are obviously revolutionary, so please cover yourself in them. And yes to anything that vaguely resembles a labia. Actually, can you show your actual labia? Let’s show a peek of labia. People love a good labia. Just make sure it’s as hairless as a Sphynx cat. Now cover yourself in rose gold jewellery – wait, no – silver. Silver jewellery is IN!
But, as is the nature of fashun, when you are finally dressed, boobs are suddenly back “in” and labia are “out” and everyone is paying for “pube transplants”, and it’s time to start all over again.
This is the conundrum The Only Way is Essex reality television star Gemma Collins, 37, faced last month, when she was deemed by *ze fashun police* (a bunch of really bored people on Twitter) that her dress was “the worst fashion faux pas of this century”.
You see, like all of us, poor Gemma was just trying to keep up with freaking fashion rules and exercise a bit of self expression at the same time. But, because she is a human being with fallopian tubes, she was trolled for doing that.
Because if you’re a woman in the public eye who’s not being trolled, are you really even a woman? ARE YOU?