fashion

Remember this woman's response next time you're scared of committing a 'fashion faux pas'.

Ah, fashun. It’s a fickle thing.

One minute, everybody is saying SHOULDER PADS ARE GREAT! The bigger the better! But while you’re boosting those shoulders up, girlfriend, pack your boobies away… because they’re out. They are offensive and evil, because someone at Vogue said so. But don’t fear, because exposed zips are in! And nude tones? They are obviously revolutionary, so please cover yourself in them. And yes to anything that vaguely resembles a labia. Actually, can you show your actual labia? Let’s show a peek of labia. People love a good labia. Just make sure it’s as hairless as a Sphynx cat. Now cover yourself in rose gold jewellery – wait, no – silver. Silver jewellery is IN!

But, as is the nature of fashun, when you are finally dressed, boobs are suddenly back “in” and labia are “out” and everyone is paying for “pube transplants”, and it’s time to start all over again.

This is the conundrum The Only Way is Essex reality television star Gemma Collins, 37, faced last month, when she was deemed by *ze fashun police* (a bunch of really bored people on Twitter) that her dress was “the worst fashion faux pas of this century”.

Rocking my inner Lady GAGA tonight ???????? @gerdatruubon xxx

A post shared by Gemma Collins (@gemmacollins1) on

You see, like all of us, poor Gemma was just trying to keep up with freaking fashion rules and exercise a bit of self expression at the same time. But, because she is a human being with fallopian tubes, she was trolled for doing that.

Because if you’re a woman in the public eye who’s not being trolled, are you really even a woman? ARE YOU?

Too much ❤️@lucasmarmitage @lisalittlemua

A post shared by Gemma Collins (@gemmacollins1) on

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Gemma has spoken to prestigious UK fashun tabloid The Sun about the very important news that is her ‘offensive’ fashion choice to remind the world that, oh yeah! who gives a flying fruitcake what Gemma Collins wears on her body, except Gemma Collins!

Her response is golden.

“I am Gemma Collins. I don’t have to answer to anyone about my fashion choices,” she said, probably while getting a mani-pedi from overconfident white male real-estate agents.

“I loved that dress – I wanted to express myself that night and I did exactly that.

“I can take the mick out of myself so whatever anyone has got to say about me I still find it funny. I even loved the memes.

“You will absolutely see more of that in the future.”

Of course, Gemma Collins isn’t the first fierce lady to venture into ‘fashion faux pas’ land, kick down the door, dance all over its ridiculous standards, and then torch them to the freakin’ ground. Without women like Björk, Madonna and Lady Gaga doing the same thing alongside of her – we’d have an awfully boring, painfully vanilla fashion landscape.

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Why? Because doing things by the book is boring. And big ass shoulder pads are absolutely not.

So wear what you bloody want, ladies. What Twitter calls a “faux pas” makes the confusing world of fashion a hell of a lot more interesting, if you ask me.

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