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"We're calling it: Game of Thrones makes no sense."

Now the final instalment of season six of Game of Thrones has aired, we feel there’s something we desperately need to talk about.

A well-kept secret. A conspiracy of silence. An elephant in the room, if you will.

We’ve been thinking it for a number of seasons now, questioning whether we might be the only ones who know.

But we’re ready to release the dragons. Take off the face(s?). Put ourselves before the Seven Gods. Blow up the wildfire. Face the Wildlings. Bring Jon Snow back to life.

The Binge discuss the season finale of Game of Thrones. (Post continues below.)

YOU GUYS. NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS SHOW.

It’s perhaps the best-kept secret in pop culture history. We legitimately believe no one has any idea what’s happening, and they haven’t for at least five seasons. Probably closer to six.

Don’t lie. You’re confused too and this is a safe space to say so.

Last night we watched the eagerly-awaited finale. This wasn’t like a test we hadn’t studied for; we have invested SIXTY HOURS into watching this show. In our spare time we do homework. We read fan theories. We have themed parties. Once, we both dressed up as Khaleesi.

We are committed. Yet despite our investment, here are just some of the questions we asked each other during that hour:

Who are the kids killing everyone?

Who is that person?

This guy is definitely as confused as us. Image via HBO.

Is he the guy who can change faces? No. Eh, maybe.

Why?

Who is that person?

Is she... wait... nah. 

Huh?

No idea what's happening with Arya. At all. Like no clue. 

Heh, heh, Cersei has a bowl cut.

Who is that person?

How did she get there?

Ahhhh, Littlefinger is trying to... nup.

Where is Jaime Lannister and what is he doing? Oh, there he is. Still don't know what he's doing.

Who is that person? 

How did he get there? 

Are they on the same team now? 

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This is the first time we've heard the name Rhaegar. We know he's definitely important but we just can't... place him.

Aaaaand don't even get us started on Bran.

To be clear, we thoroughly enjoyed the finale. We liked the part with the, er, green fire, and the dragons. And the part where Tommen walked out the window was so very unexpected (we think).

Speaking of Tommen, does he look familiar to you? Yeah, that's because he played a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CHARACTER in season three.

Remember Martyn Lannister? He's now Tommen Baratheon. (Images: HBO)

No wonder we're getting so confused.

You know how many major characters Game of Thrones has? 150.

You know how many people have died thus far? Over 5000.

You know who's the main character? No one. And everyone. ARHRHHGH.

Excuse me, but this is the Wikipedia page for Game of Thrones characters. Image via Wikipedia. 

So here's our very own Game of Thrones fan theory:

Writer George R. R. Martin and showrunners David Benioff and D. B. Weiss are having us on. This is some kind of social experiment.

It's like the Emperor's New Clothes, except there are 23 Emperors and they all have different faces.

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Nonetheless, everyone is nodding along, pretending it all makes perfect sense. No one wants to admit that since episode one, season one, they've been confused AF.

Here's a whole gallery of characters you may not remember. (Post continues afterwards.)

If you think you fully, 100 per cent understand the Game of Thrones story line, then allow us to just cross-reference our season six overview with yours:

Winter, which has been coming for the last five seasons, has come. It doesn't necessarily seem any colder. They've been wearing fur (#PETA) from the beginning. Perhaps winter is a metaphor? Why are they so preoccupied with the seasons? Like, it's winter here too, buy a jacket and get on with it...

The Lannisters and the Tyrells don't like each other. Margaery is imprisoned because... we forget, but the point is she pretends to care about the Seven Gods but she doesn't really, as evidenced by her giving her grandmother a picture of a rose.

Jon Snow is brought back from the dead by the Red Woman who may or may not be magic. He has an existential crisis which lasts about half an episode. He then meets up with Sansa, who we thought was his half sister but actually isn't, which we were meant to pick up when Ned Stark's sister whispered something we couldn't actually hear in his ear.

Is the Red Woman magic? We confused. Image via HBO. 

Arya has been in some unknown Kingdom for a really long time, and went blind temporarily. They all change faces and we don't know why. So, is that really Arya? Is her friend a figment of her imagination? Someone is trying to kill her because a 'god told her to.' Arya then escapes and kills the kids of the dude who orchestrated the Red Wedding, and then feeds them to him. But she has a different face, obviously.

ENOUGH. OUR BRAINS ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

Let us reiterate that we're fans. We really enjoy watching it. We just don't claim to know what the f**k is going on at any given moment.

And to anyone who insists they absolutely, completely have their head around the Game of Thrones plot line, then please — be our guest. Explain to us who the hell this dude is:

If your answer is "Well, obviously he is the head of the army of the dead", then just know that you sound like a crazy  person. Image via HBO.

We rest our case.

Are you confused by Game of Thrones? If not, can you answer these questions? (Please.)

Featured image: HBO

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